A short post today as I’m just continuing on from last week’s post, Approaching Normal, in which I talked about different streams of thought in terms of therapy (with respect to eating issues, in this particular case).
In that post I commented that – the behavioural approach (or one promoting ‘dieting’ and strict ‘do this, but not this’ guidelines) was one I struggled with. JUST DO IT, (aka ‘Do as I say’) doesn’t really work for me. Similarly though, an approach which allows me free reign while my mind gets de-f*cked; or which allows me to use my f*cked up thinking / emotions as an excuse to endlessly binge-eat isn’t actually helpful either. Indeed… I’ve spent several years (off and on) examining my childhood and why I am the way I am / do the things I do – with minimal success.
In the previous post I decided that I was just gonna do my own thing – which was something that felt right to me. I was adopting the not-dieting approach, but with SOME limits or restrictions. Usually those words would send me into ‘deprivation’ mode and I’d feel compelled to binge-eat in response (or in preparation). However… I’m only restricting a couple of things AND they aren’t completely off-limits. They’re just not something I’m buying. At the moment. Chocolate, corn chips, brownie mixture etc fall into this category. In fact, I’ve probably added a few other things (like flavoured crackers and the like) as well, knowing that – if they’re in my apartment… I will eat them. All. At Once.
“Isn’t that dieting?” part of my mind asks the other. “Isn’t not-dieting about not taking ANYTHING off the things-I-can-eat table?”
It occurs to me that I’m making VERY conscious decisions each time I go shopping. The chocolate aisle beckons. The corn chip shelf sings. Any store stocking brownie mixture bellows. But… each and every time I go into that store (or any store really) I have to remind myself that “I’m not eating those things. At the moment.”
After a period of ‘failing’ in this task, I seem to have it under control again.
It makes me realise that my lack of bingeing isn’t SOLELY a result of a not-dieting mindset. It’s also a direct outcome of a conscious behaviour change. I literally have to STOP myself picking my trigger foods up off the shelf. Or stop myself going out at all.
Earlier today I felt miserable. Just down… I’m sure many out there know the feeling. I blamed my twisted ankle (which those who follow my Facebook page will know was a result of a fall at Zumba yesterday!) but it was a combination of things (more here in Debbish, if you’re wondering).
But fortunately, there was also this. (And yes, it appears I am one of those people who tweets Drama Queen-like ‘Woe is me’ tweets! Shit!)]
In Debbish I share what I ended up doing, which did involve buying vanilla diet coke. I know it’s still kinda the ‘treating’ oneself concept, which isn’t always healthy but, in the overall scheme of things, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Plus – as mentioned in Debbish – I reached out. To others. A rare thing for me.
So… As I sit here hurrying to finish this – as one litre of vanilla diet coke plays havoc with one’s bladder?! (TM!?!) I’m in a better mood. Because I reached out. Because of the vanilla diet coke. But also because the brownies beckoned but I declined to be tempted.
How are you at self-soothing?
Have you recently had to resist a craving?
Did you notice this was supposed to be a short post, but now isn’t?!