I was just asked if I was: nervous; excited; or pumped and I don’t know what my answer is. If an adjective can be made out of anticipate, then that’s it. Anticipatory? Perhaps that’s a word.

I’ve just signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Challenge – which I’ve written about over the last week or so – and these were the questions I got. I felt obliged to have one last ditch effort before succumbing to surgery, because even though I shouldn’t, I still find myself thinking of surgery as a bit of a cop-out. I realise I sound judgemental and I do know someone who’s had it so I know it isn’t ‘the easy’ path that some may think. I’ve mentioned before that I read some online comments which were SO confronting that it seriously made me rethink my perception of the lapbanding option, particularly in relation to how I would self-comfort if food wasn’t an option!

Nevertheless, I do feel as if I have the potential to lose weight the usual way – ie. expending more calories than I consume! Of course I may find that I crash and burn a couple of weeks into the program, but I hope I don’t. I’m tired of constantly thinking, “I wish it was 6 months down the track and I am 30 kilograms less than I am now.”  I thought exactly that as I walked into my building today – behind someone whose body I would have killed for. (Of course sometimes I also think, “And I wish I’d won Lotto and didn’t ever have to work again.” Oh, and “And I wish that men were swamping me with affection and attention.”)

I’ve written before about the fact that I’m never more excited about a diet than just before I start. There it is again: that anticipation… All will be well in the world. This diet will work. I will lose masses of weight and everyone will be gobsmacked. That – of course – is never the reality. I always like the idea of dieting, exercising and eating healthily, more than the reality. As a result I am always fine in the weeks or days leading up to ‘starting’ a diet, during which time I eat as much crap as I can possibly shove into my body, safe in the knowledge that I will soon be ‘in control’ of my eating and the extra layers will be a thing of the past.

Hair Loss and Melancholy (from Drew Huddleston). I hope it also cures fatness.

From moleitau & Flickr

So, at the moment I am gazing upon 12WBT and seeing it as a magic elixir. Poor Michelle Bridges doesn’t know what she’s in for. It seems that – yet again – I assume that something will click into place and I will suddenly have the motivation and commitment I need to lose weight: to start losing weight AND to continue losing weight.

I know Michelle’s mantra is ‘just fucking do it’ so perhaps that will rub off. Perhaps I will stop the overanalysis and JFDI!