Nervous, excited, pumped? Revisited.

Sunday, May 22, 2011 Permalink

This time two years ago I was at Fat Camp. I was desperate and had high hopes.

I fear I am now perceived as a frumpy middle-aged woman. And more than self-loathing; I now feel extreme regret. That I have lost 26years of my life that I can never regain.

While I feel stymied – unable to act, I am forcing myself into a lifestyle change that I hope is not too late.

I am going to a fat camp. For one month. I wish it were longer. I wish I could emerge like a swan from the prison that has been my body and my life for 20 years. Instead, I have one month and I can only hope and pray for change. Physical and mental.

I lost 14kg there and a bit more after. Having lost almost 20kgs, I still had 20 more to go, but it was the closest I’d come to the cliched ‘lifestyle’ change. I got fitter and became almost enthusiastic about exercise, revelling in Body Jam classes, regular walks and pilates until I got injured and – as per usual – the rot set in and I regained all of that weight. And a bit more.

This time last year I joined Weight Watchers (for about the 7th or 8th time). It was going to be my last weight loss attempt. I was going to get my eating under control. I was going to become a different person. And yet, here I am… a year later, having lost and gained weight (albeit a small amount) again.

And here I am. Again. Tomorrow I kick off my latest weight-loss attempt. I’ve said it is my last ditch effort before resorting to weight loss surgery. I signed up about a month ago having seen the results of those who’ve participated before. Many sing the praises of Michelle Bridges’ 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge. I hope that – down the track – I am one of them too. In the days and weeks after my enrolment I didn’t feel ready. An early pre-season task asked us if we were nervous, excited and/or pumped. My answer was, ‘maybe’. I was hesitant but hopeful. But if I’m completely honest I have to admit I have spent much of the last week and few days eating all sorts of things I shouldn’t. Today alone there’s been hot chips, chips and chocolate. There it is the same fucked-up thinking… ‘On Monday the diet starts so I’ll make the most of my time before then.’

Suddenly, here we are. Tomorrow it starts. 12WBT as it’s known to its participants. I made a commmitment that I would give this my damnedest. As I said, it is my last ditch attempt. I know I am (only?!) 43 years old, but there is much I have wanted to achieve and I am running out of time. I don’t feel healthy and I don’t feel happy.

I am as prepared as it is possible for me to be. I may not follow the exercise and diet program faithfully but I will stick to its intent as far as possible. My exercise bike arrived on Saturday. Work colleagues know I will be doing 8.30 and 9am starts in order to exercise before work. I have re-enrolled in pilates classes and booked into my first two lessons this week. I did my big grocery shop today and I have tagged The Calorie King website in order to calculate the calories of everything I eat.

Before bed tonight (in between the 4 things I want to watch on TV – which are all on at once… what IS it with television programmers?!) I will finalise my meals for the week and my exercise. 12WBT is almost upon us…. and I think I’m ready.

  • Colline
    May 22, 2011

    The trick, I think, is to make exercise and the way you eat a part of your lifestyle. That way, you will not ‘fall off the wagon”.

    • rockafellaskank
      May 22, 2011

      Thanks Colline. Am definitely hoping to do that this time around!


  • henhao
    May 23, 2011

    Hi Deb. You write in this post “I hope that – down the track – I am one of them too.” I’ve been browsing Michelle’s book Crunchtime today and there’s a really interesting section about the word ‘hope’. To be honest, I felt like I’d been slapped in the face when I read it! Recommend taking a look. This week I’m focusing on changing habits, noting what passes my lips and portion sizes along with light exercise (I’ll save six hardcore sessions in as many days for next week…). Best of luck for the rest of Week 1.

    • rockafellaskank
      May 23, 2011

      Thanks Sonia. I will have a look at the book.

      Good luck for your week 1 as well. In some ways it (12WBT) has been so long coming it feels as if it’s been going on forever already!


  • lee
    June 7, 2019

    what works for some may not for others.Unfortunately counting calories in/out, It was over a year now when I stopped dieting and counting calories, adding protein, taking in this amount of fiber etc etc. No matter how I deprive myself from eating I don’t see a noticeable change with my weight. So I did otherwise, I started eating small meals throughout the day (6 to 7 small meals a day) and as the saying goes “we are what we eat”, I started eating only healthy all natural whole foods. I changed my lifestyle too. I see to it to have enough rest and sleep every night, In the morning I would walk/run around the village.I added some physical activities such as biking and as simple as taking the stairs instead of elevator or escalator . After 2 months I noticed a big drop on my weight and the rest is history. I am now at 110 pounds from 165

I'd love to hear your thoughts