Since I’ve known about my job finishing and started to consider my options I’ve been ‘fantasising’ a bit about what my future life will be like.
In some ways it’s almost as if I have a blank slate before me and I have the ability to write my own script or screenplay. Oh, I know fate will come into it, but… I seriously feel as if I will be in control of my own life for the first time. Ever.
It is indeed: exciting and scary.
In my Debbish blog I’ve talked about ‘reinventing’ myself and emerging from a cocoon of some sort. Very drama-queenish, but you get my drift.
I’m realising I have this fabulous opportunity before me and I really need to make the most of it. And because I’m starting to recognise that our behaviour is as important as our thinking or mindset, I’m ‘forcing’ myself to make some changes which I hope will flow onto the rest of my life. (Actions before thoughts / feelings, if you like.)
In my most recent post in this blog, I wrote about The Wizard of Oz and my search for happiness and contentment; noting if there was a Wizard s/he’d tell me I already have everything I need for a more fulfilled life. And it’s probably true.
I just have to make it happen.
It’s a tad embarrassing to admit (but when has that ever stopped me here?!?!) but – in terms of my new life – I’m visualising myself running (or at least walking) almost daily along the fabulous beachside path that stretches from one end of Hervey Bay to the other.
Of course in my vision I’m wearing shorts or (shorter, fitting) tracksuit pants and a sleeveless fitting exercise shirt (rather than my usual uniform of a long baggy (and hot) t-shirt and longer pants.
I’ve already mentioned that I don’t want to get into the habit of sleeping in and staggering about half-awake in my PJs watching daytime television. And though I don’t need to be up at sparrow’s fart to commute into an office for the day I can still start my day at a decent hour (retiring for a nanna nap during the day if required).
The ‘me’ I’m visualising by the beach is fit and healthy. Shiny and happy.
Which is most definitely not the ‘me’ writing this post. Two weeks of no exercise and my current bout of bronchitis means that I can barely breathe and talk, and even walking is out of the question. (Packing boxes has me wheezing!)
I haven’t been overly unhealthy (though if my mother hadn’t been here I suspect I’d be mainlining chocolate and corn chips!) but caring little about what I consume: getting through the day and eating food that offers some excitement (given my numbed taste buds) is a priority. And I’ve been living in my ‘packing’ clothes : particularly attractive shorts and t-shirts ringed with never-drying sweat.
However… once better I want to be that shiny, healthy and happy person. Naturally only my own actions can deliver on such dreams and we all know there’s no magic wand; it’s all about the basics.
Like I said, I want to get into the habit of some form of almost-daily sustainable exercise that recharges me and forces me to interact with the outside world. Despite my move to the beach I HATE the sand, the sea and the sun. Yes… go figure. But in my vision I spend time OUTSIDE!
And on top of my walking I’m planning to join a gym and have already sussed out my options. I might try a couple before deciding on a winner, and as I’m not a big gym-floor user, I’ll be focusing on the classes offered: dance-based classes and Pump (weights) equivalents are high on my agenda.
Many people (like my own mother) become excited about summer and its array of fruits. Well, not this little black duck who possibly hasn’t eaten a piece of fruit all year. (Unless wine counts?!)
However, I want to eat more healthily. It will be hot when I arrive with summer beating down my door, so I’m thinking ‘clean and light’. As I’ll be home for most of the day (at least initially) I also need to get into a routine when it comes to my meals. Lunchtime at home is hugely problematic for me. At work I just go through the motions; but at home I have no clue. It’s often my downfall: I eat a late breakfast, thinking it’ll be brunch; but then go grocery shopping, buying a bag of corn chips early – mid afternoon which I then consume. As a result I’m not hungry for my dinner until late in the evening. It’s a vicious cycle!
I’m also refocusing on my consumption of gluten-free foods. As I mentioned in that post, the physiological symptoms of my coeliac condition haven’t improved (after 6-7 years) and it’s likely I’ve been ‘accidentally’ eating gluten, so I’m getting serious about labels and ingredients again in the hope that I start to feel better. (And healthier!)
As I never receive unexpected visitors, I lounge about home in the daggiest of clothes. I feel fat and frumpy so dress comfortably in old loose tracksuit pants and t-shirts. And if I’m really keen I wear underwear (well, I almost always do during daylight hours!)!! In this ‘uniform’ I feel covered. I feel safe. But… I know that these clothes are enablers. They allow me to hide my body away and forget what goes into it; and they allow me to wallow in a slovenly fashion. Of course, I often venture out grocery shopping (or similar) in these baggy, stained and generally worse-for-wear outfits (with underwear – obviously!), hoping I don’t run into anyone I know.
I want to dress like I’m proud of the person I am. And no, I won’t be donning stilettos and full make-up. I’m talking cargo pants, 3/4 pants, shorts other than those I also sleep in and maybe a ‘blouse’ that isn’t a Nike t-shirt .
In the visions I have of the New Me, I’m actually wearing REAL summer clothes – venturing out in short sleeved / sleeveless tops, rather than wearing long sleeves to cover my flabby arms. Of course I’m slimmer in these visions, but I’m also ‘owning’ my body. I’m hoping that by covering-up less I’m more conscious of what remains unclad, while simultaneously being LESS less self-conscious (Is that even possible?!). Quite frankly, I’m tired of being the one dripping with sweat in my winter shirts while others’ arms and bodies are freely exposed.
So there you have it. The fit and healthy and shiny New Me. The Me I want to be.
If you haven’t checked it out, feel free to read the first post in this series in my Debbish blog. It includes a picture or two of my new abode. The next instalment will also be posted there in a few days and will focus more on my writing and blogging goals.
In the interim I’m more than happy to receive hints, tips and advice to assist me in my healthy new life.