Losing my mojo; feeling just so-so

Wednesday, September 21, 2011 Permalink

A few bloggers I follow (mostly from the other side of the world) have recently commented that they’ve lost their blogging, or health and fitness mojo. Well, sadly, I’m right there with them.

As you would know from my posts over the past 4-6 weeks, my motivation has been waning A LOT and just when I think it’s picking up, I fall in a heap again. I don’t know why. I don’t have reasons, just excuses. I know I’m pretty honest in this blog, but lately I am sometimes in such a funk I even wonder if I should be posting at all; or if I should ‘fake it’ and post something peppy and motivational; or… if I should just tell it like it really is. Which (I think) is what I mostly do.

Image from: http://cheezburger.com

At this morning’s weigh-in I was about 400g up on last week’s (on my parents’ scales). I am telling myself it is hormonal (THAT time of the month etc – I think, anyway) but who the hell knows. Although I mostly kept within my calorie limit last week I did substitute alcohol for real food (for lunch and snacks mostly) each day. I thought I’d be okay once I returned to my place (having spent over a week with my folks) but I’ve been ALMOST as wayward. Yesterday I slept in, then blogged, then consumed a large bowl of buttered and flavoured popcorn after midday for ‘brunch’. After an almost-2hr pampering treatment I was tired and trying to stop myself wanting chocolate so went to bed, only to wake mid evening to contemplate yet another bowl of 400+ calorie popcorn. Thankfully I didn’t do it – scrambled an egg instead and had an 800 calorie day… appropriate given that the late afternoon / early evening snooze meant I skipped my daily exercise. Argh!

Today I’d signed up for early morning pilates – my first lesson in about 6 weeks (and not too early given that I’m on holidays!). It would appear my spiral into lack-of-motivational hell would coincide with my lack of enthusiasm for pilates. But, first I had to get on the scales. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty but braced myself. And… Argh again! It wasn’t. Pretty, that is. Feeling a tad miserable I started dressing which is when I caught a glimpse of myself in my large bathroom mirror.

Image compliments of: zephyrliving.wordpress.com

As you’d be aware, I try to avoid mirrors wherever possible. And cameras. They just remind me how far-from-perfect I am. And when I’m feeling good, they drag me down. But today as I yanked my long (size 20 – now a bit too big) legging things on I noticed that my stomach and hips were less scary than they were four months ago. Without my long baggy t-shirt (hiding all sorts of sins) I could see my body and I was surprised. Sure, it’s not great. It undoubtedly isn’t even good given that I’ve got about 30kg to go to get to my goal weight… but it wasn’t flabby and bulgy like it once was.

And on arrival home as I lay in the bathtub (with my diet coke – yes, I know…) and cereal and yoghurt – as you do (if you are me). I was reminded of the fact that, just a few months ago, the bathtub was a bit squeezy for me. I had to splash water on my hips and butt as I lowered myself into the bath so I didn’t feel ‘wedged’ up against the side. Now, it’s still a tight fit, but I don’t feel as uncomfortable AND self-conscious in the place which is one of my favourites.

13/05/08 - Lost MojoI had been hoping I’d be motivated by the time I embarked on the second round of this weight loss program, but alas… here I am, over a week in and still floundering. And I notice I keep writing about having to pull myself out of the hole I’m currently buried in and rediscover my mojo, but I suspect the main difference between my attempt this time and last time, isn’t a ‘headspace’ or ‘mindset’ issue, rather one of perserverence and ‘digging deep’, and one of JUST FUCKING DOING IT. NOT talking about it, NOT writing about it. But DOING IT!

I can’t promise that I’ll get there and that I won’t keep writing these misery-laden posts, but I hope not. I can still remember a “Feelin’ Groovy” post I did last round. Because I was. Feelin’ groovy. In fact, at the time I was feeling great. Light, energetic, motivated, in control. And most importantly, I was feeling happy.

10 Comments
  • Min
    September 21, 2011

    Hi Deb – as you know, I too have had mojo problems!! I find the best solution is to go into what Mish calls ‘robot mode’ … just push on and do what you know you ought to do and really wanted to do. Eventually the mojo comes back….little bit by little bit. At least that is what I am finding. You have come a long way and done so well. All of this is part and parcel of the journey and why we are on the journey in the first place. Dont beat yourself up. There are others…like me….going through the same stuff 🙂 We’ve just gotta push on. As Mish would say…tame the inner labrador and teenager, train like a bastard, eat clean…and JFDI. Well we can try out best anyway 🙂

    • Diet Schmiet (@Schmiet)
      September 21, 2011

      Min, I know you are right. Not sure why I’m finding it so hard to just dig in and JDFI. Will try to find my robot mode!

      Deb

  • Liz@LastChanceTraining
    September 21, 2011

    Hey Deb,
    There’s a lot more to the whole shebang than JFDI – however, it’s the best choice you have right now. Think of two forks in the road – there’s pain associated with both paths. Which path do you choose – the path of discipline or the path of regret? ie “pain” now or “pain” later 🙂
    Take care of you,
    LIz 😉

    • rockafellaskank
      September 21, 2011

      Liz

      Z, I need to choose ‘pain now’. I know this but do not do it!!!! Argh!

      I DO know better.

      Deb

  • Karen@WaistingTime
    September 21, 2011

    I wish I knew the magic mojo-inducing words. Because I could use them too! All I can say is that I also know how much better I feel when I’m on track. And if I can get on track for a day or two… the momentum builds.

    • rockafellaskank
      September 21, 2011

      Karen, you’re right. It doesn’t take long, and all I probably need is a day or two to get on the right track (straight and narrow!!!).

      I think I do just need to ‘dig deep’ and find that willpower!

      Deb

  • Katy@KatyRunner
    September 22, 2011

    why don’t you make your next post about the day of eating right + the walk you just went on? or the pilates class, or similar?

    then you really would have to jfdi so you could write about it.

    don’t get caught up on it being The Program – instead it could just be material for your writing. sneakily combining your passions and all that

    • rockafellaskank
      September 22, 2011

      Hi Katy, like yours I had another suggestion to focus on the positives, so I’ve tried to do that today! I DO realise I’ve got a lot to be grateful for AND know I shouldn’t be as negative (always assuming the worst and catastrophising!).

      Hope you are feeling better soon!

      Deb

  • karen
    December 1, 2011

    I have just searched for inspiration as I too have lost my dieting Mojo and whilst reading this a light bulb moment came on … so I have written a bit of a mantra… Food is important to me, I want to enjoy it, but I no longer want it to be the MOST important thing in my life. The MOST important thing in my life right now is to lose the next 2 stone so that I get into the clothes I want to wear and feel good about myself and not avoid photos.. I love my new body a lot more than my old one (I’ve lost 4 1/2 st) and I am proud to have got this far… I recognise that I am on a journey and needed a bit of a rest, but am now looking forward to being in control over the next few weeks and committing to writing a journal so I can look back on good days and low days and get some balance and perspective back.. My goal has not changed and I have the power to change myself and I don’t need anyone else to do it for me.. although support is always appreciated :o)

    • rockafellaskank
      December 1, 2011

      I love your mantra Karen. I wonder if I’ve been a bit the same… lost weight but needed a rest, before getting back on track. And you’re right… we have the power to change ourselves!

      Thanks for visiting!
      Deb

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