I’m feeling a bit miserable today. And no, it’s not because I clicked on yesterday’s post to see a (almost-recent) photo of myself; or looked at my reflection in the train window again… though I am wearing my big loose long shirt/dress thing – which I wear when feeling a bit porky and, well, yuck!
Instead I think it’s because I’m not keeping up. With anything. Not the Joneses or anyone else. I’m behind in my 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge pre-season tasks. And I don’t know why. Given the amount of time I spent lolling about eating cheap easter eggs and watching TiVo’d television over the weekend, I could surely have spared 10 minutes here and there to do tasks 3 & 4. But I didn’t and now, task 5 is out. Shit!
I opened the 12WBT website here at work because I decided (since I don’t take lunch breaks) perhaps I could do my lessons during my lunch break (instead of eating as I work or checking out internet news’ sites). And I was flabergasted. There are pages and pages of posts (including responses to task 5! Already!). They are just multiplying. I decided to check out what is being planned for my hometown of Brisvegas (organised by the v.supportive and v.committed Ange). Again, pages and pages and days and days of posts, all brimming with enthusiasm (rather than the dread I seem to be experiencing). Shit! I am SO behind the eight-ball.
The very same Ange, recently posted in her blog about the notion of us being on our own journey and that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. It’s something I’m not good at. I’m naturally competitive so prone to looking over at the person next to me to make sure I am doing better than they are. Once upon a time that was fine. I was fit, healthy, relatively attractive, okay at school / my job etc. But now I am still single, incredibly unfit, frumpy, unhealthy and ridiculously overweight. Comparing myself to others now is problematic because I NEVER COME OUT ON TOP.
The ‘excuses’ I came up with in 12WBT pre-season task 2 continue to grow. Originally I didn’t include the “I can’t find the time” excuse because frankly I should be able to. I don’t have a partner or family, or a hectic social life. At the moment I am only working (and commuting) for about 10-11hrs a day. It leaves a lot of time for me to do the things which help me feel in control of my life. Doing the bloody 12WBT pre-season tasks are just one example. That way I wouldn’t log onto the 12WBT site after a few days and feel like a failure for falling so far behind; and like I’ve failed before I’ve even started.