I supposedly did a year-long writing course in 2010. I say supposedly because it was an online course and our tutor seriously dropped the ball about seven months into the program and a couple of months passed without us hearing a thing. When she eventually returned we all found it hard to re-engage and interest slowly-but-surely waned over the final few months.
I think the program itself (designed by an author and University lecturer) was quite a good one. I certainly enjoyed most of the lessons and liked the challenges and exercises it offered – many of which we had to share with fellow participants or the tutor. I’m generally loath to let others read what I write (for the purposes of ‘judging’ me or my writing) so I found the concept quite scary, but on the whole received really good feedback as I struggled to draft my Young Adult novel (which stalled seven months and 30,000 words in).
Because one of my 2012 goals is to re-engage with my writing, I was shuffling through my course notes the other day and came across one of the first topics which I realised, is as relevant to dieting, weight loss and ‘life in general’ as it is/was to writing.
The lesson in question focussed on dealing with our inner critic. In a writing sense, it is that voice that tells you that what you’ve written is complete crap; that you’ll never write anything decent; and no one will want to read what you write. I mean, who the fuck do you think you are?!? A ‘writer’? Hmph!
In life, the same voice can tell us that we’re fat and we’ll NEVER lose weight; or if we do, we won’t have the tenacity to keep it off. It’ll tell us we’re too lazy to embark on the exercise program at the local gym; or that we’re too unfit or uncoordinated to try a different aerobics class. It tells us we’ll never get ahead in life; never meet the man of our dreams; and we’ll always be unhappy.
Sound familiar? Bloody inner voice!
The suggestion which actually worked for some participants (but I must confess I didn’t actually even attempt – being loath to adopt mantras, recite affirmations etc. Well… plus I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it!) involved providing some innocuous or benign name to our inner critic. Something like Mildred. Or Agnes. Or Buffy. For example. (And I apologise in advance to any Mildreds, Agneses or Buffys out there!)
Obviously the notion was, by humanising (or in my case, stereotyping) our inner critic we were stripping them of their power or influence over us. They were, ostensibly, to become laughing stocks – to be ignored or ridiculed. And their words became, therefore, far less destructive. I might, for example, roll my eyes when risk-averse Mildred tells me I shouldn’t try something; or snigger at Buffy’s idiocy when she tells me I look ridiculous. (Again, sorry Mildreds and Buffys! Feel free to poke fun at my name {Deborah} as required.)
I’m not sure we could ever be successful in completely silencing Agnes or Buffy or Mildred, but we can – perhaps – weaken her hold over us and be less inclined to take her words to heart. Which I guess is the whole point – it makes us pause when some knee-jerk thought pops into our heads.
I’m still not much of a visual person, so I’m still not sure it will work for me, but I’m going to try. I’ve named my inner critic Myra, after a moaning old great-aunt of mine. My next challenge is picking up on the negative thoughts as they occur (rather than thinking they’re the norm or letting them flow through my mind unchallenged), which is where I came unstuck during the writing course. I haven’t quite figured out how to do this. I’m pretty self-aware (I think), not to mention, modest (obviously), but my pessimistic inner critic is so ingrained that it’s sometimes hard to distinguish its voice from my own. Wait, oh look… that’s it. Myra, you bitch! Shut up!
I’d be interested to know how others deal with their negative voices or inner critics. Do they influence your behaviour? Do you ignore them; or have you managed to silence them completely?
January 13, 2012
I simply ignore the pest, tell him he’s welcome to come to the party later when I need him to help with the editing, but until I call you, go take a long nap or something. I read a great article “Shitty First Drafts” by Anne Lamott the other day. I found it in my copy of “the making of a story” by Alice LaPlante. Anne has some amusing descriptions of the voices in her head and a unique way to shut them up.
January 13, 2012
Thanks for the suggestions – I’ll check out Anne’s article! I also noticed a (#amwriting) tweet this morning, quoting Hemingway… something like: “The first draft is always shit.” Or maybe it wasn’t quite THAT explicit!!!
Deb
January 13, 2012
My inner voice is bipolar. Sometimes it keeps me from getting out of bed in the morning. Sometimes it makes me write and proofread a whole chapter in a day. I just wish I knew which inner voice I was going to get on any given day, haha
January 13, 2012
Ha! Sounds like those old Disney cartoons of an angel and a devil sitting on each shoulder, competing with each other for attention!!!
Deb
January 13, 2012
Mine’s Edna – no reason; just because.
“My next challenge is picking up on the negative thoughts as they occur…” This is the key for me. I had some sessions with a psychologist a couple of years go, after my Dad died and I wasn’t coping with anything too well, and it was the basis of one of the tasks she set me. That voice had become such a permanent resident in my head that I mostly didn’t even notice it.
I took to carrying a notebook around with me and writing down some of the more stupid thoughts I had about myself and my abilities. Seeing them outside my head and written down in black and white somehow made it obvious that they were total rubbish.
Recently, I got out of the habit of noticing Edna when she put in an appearance, and she was seriously impacting on my decisions. I realised this a few weeks ago and started over by just noticing the thoughts. I then moved onto questioning them – which then leads to dismissing them because they’re complete and utter crap.
It’s made quite a difference, but I have to keep on it. If I stop being watchful, she comes back and takes over again… nasty cow.
January 13, 2012
Damn that Edna! Yep… like you, for me, picking up on the negativity is going to be the hard thing. I tend to say I’m pessimistic or cynical, but perhaps that isn’t me at all… but bloody Myra! I might try the notebook idea!
Deb
January 13, 2012
My inner critic is Kevin & he is my Virgo opposite (& no, there is nothing wrong with Virgo, it is just my opposite) & my shadow…and his hair doesn’t move.
January 13, 2012
You can’t trust anyone whose hair doesn’t move! (Like Ken the barbie doll! Something very strange about that lad!) xx
January 13, 2012
LOL!! Love it…
I want to tell you about how I deal with The Voice (and yes, I finally realized that The Voice is not my voice): everybody has The Voice. Even famous successful people like Oprah and Mick Jagger have The Voice. What I learned is that, depending on what The Voice is saying, and how it is saying it, my response will vary from a nurturing, care taking, “oh you poor baby…let me hold you and rub your back” to a terse, harsh, “FUCK YOU!!!” Other times it needs a little humor. But NOT dealing with it is a mistake…it needs to be acknowledged and dealt with or it becomes insidious!
January 13, 2012
Very true Karen, I commented below on the fact that recognising it will be my major problem as it is so entrenched in my thinking and I forget that there may be an uncynical, non pessimistic me under there somewhere! I do like the idea of a nurturing and encouraging voice though!
Deb
January 13, 2012
Hi Deb! You know when you’re a “writer?” When you write. It’s as simple as that. I’m a lawyer and never felt ready to write my first appeal. But somebody paid me to write one, so I did. That started my professional law writing. Not because I was ready. Not because I was the best. Not because of anything but that someone wanted me to write. I was alive and had some idea what to do. I typed out my argument the very best I could, added the correct cites, followed the civil procedure rules and deadlines, and handed in the appeal. That’s how it happens. That was over 15 years ago. There is no superhero involved. Just li’l ole us.
🙂 Marion
January 13, 2012
Are you implying I’m NOT a superhero?! (Damn – will throw that lycra suit away then!!! Hee hee!) You are right about the ‘just do it’ thing. I do that with my blog writing. When I first started I wasn’t brave enough to put my posts ‘out there’ but now I obviously do – though I’m not quite at the point of owning them publicly yet! Little Myra is lurking too closely!
I love your attitude Marion.
Deb
January 13, 2012
Face your negative voice by developing some kind of multiple personality disorder! Hee! I like it.
I feel I need to put some thought into what the name of mine would be…. she sure is around a lot.
January 13, 2012
Yes Amy, or perhaps akin to the characters in the novel (and film), Sybil… a few personalities may be called for!
Deb
January 13, 2012
I call mine “Inner Gollum” because sometimes I can be really wrong footed by the bastard – some of his suggestions are rather syrupy sweet, but laced with poison. I also brought “Vera Sluttinski” out of the closet but she’s not had the staying power old Gollum has had.
xx
January 13, 2012
I remember you telling me about Gollum! Great name cos an inner critic can be very sneaky like that… ‘I’m doing this for your own good’ kinda thing!
January 13, 2012
Anne Lamott calls one of the voices in her head “the vinegar-lipped Reader Lady”.
January 13, 2012
Ha! That’s a mouthful!
January 13, 2012
Great topic Deb! I have them too but they (positive and not so positive) are nameless to date. I do try to challenge the negative ones but it’s not always easy.
January 13, 2012
True Sharmila… cos sometimes they’ve been around for a LONG time!
January 13, 2012
Im a hardcore Anne Lamott lover too.
And Ive toold the voice to SHUT THE F*CK UP for so long she’s slunk away…
January 14, 2012
Must check out this Anne Lamott! Glad your voice has disappeared… Hope to get there myself.
Deb
January 13, 2012
My inner voice tends to lead me into eating temptation rather than knock down my self esteem.
I tagged you on my blog yesterday…
January 14, 2012
I saw the tag Karen and have already done my post…. (yes, I am a tad anal!). My inner voice (obviously not Myra) was on my side today for once. My weigh-in was disappointing and I had to go out to get some groceries and was SO tempted to buy some junk food cos…. ‘Well, this bloody diet isn’t working anyway’…. but thankfully I held strong! Phew.
Deb
January 16, 2012
I usually talk dirty to it…cold, hard logic. Works every time. My inner voice only understands drama. Logic shuts it up because it just doesn’t get it.
January 16, 2012
Hmm… perhaps it’s a left and right brain kind of thing and I need to activate one rather than the other!