A couple of years ago I was hit with the realisation that I WAS NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT. I know this may not come as a surprise to many, but it depressed the hell out of me at the time.
I was on holidays and spending significant amounts of time flicking through women’s magazines and being taunted by pictures of celebs (including those around my age – Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel (left) and the like) when it occurred to me that… even if I lost all of the weight I needed to. I WAS NEVER GONNA LOOK LIKE THEM.
I have obvious veins in my legs; I have stretch marks and scars. I’d probably also have some excess fat and saggy arms and a floppy chest (once devoid of fat deposits).
There was a moment when I briefly wondered WHAT WAS THE POINT of it all?! I could never compete with the likes of Ms Biel. I could never be perfect.
I’ve been thinking about this again recently. I’ve written about my habit of comparing myself to others – in the blogging world, and in terms of fitness. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy,’ says Theodore Roosevelt. And he’s right.
Blogger Rebecca from Weight Wars also recently talked about the fact that her mirror reflection didn’t live up to that of Hollywood actresses. “I know what you mean!” I said and left a comment about my veiny legs. “I’m not gonna be perfect even IF I lose weight,” I said. Before wondering who the hell expected me to be. Perfect, that is. Well, other than me.
True, I may not land George Clooney with my scars and wobbly bits; but does that mean my flaws make me completely unlovable?! Sure I believe that I’m unattractive to men looking the way I do now, but do I believe that I’ll still remain completely unattractive to them even if I was at / near my goal weight? Possibly.
I included this quote (on the right) in my last post about fitness levels… which suggests we should only compare ourselves WITH ourselves.
Karen from Before and After, hit on the same topic in her latest post… talking about perfection and self-discipline; and that we should only strive to be better versions of ourselves. My old weight loss program (12WBT) suggested the same thing. We should try to become the best possible version of ourselves, rather than aspiring to be, or be like, anyone else.
And, do you know what? My weight might be going nowhere but I’m a better version of me than I was this time last year. And, while I probably need to not aspire to perfection, improvement is something I can aspire to.
Do you have perfectionist tendencies?
Do you fall into the comparison trap?
Or perhaps your body is better than Jennifer Aniston’s!?!
July 6, 2012
My perfectionist tendencies can get so bad they almost teeter on OCD. Having said that, the first time I lost a significant amount of weight I had conjured up in an image in my head. I fantasized about how great, fit and toned I’d look when I lost the weight. Not surprisingly, I was disappointed since I ended up looking deflated. Although I weighed a ton less, the end result was not remotely similar to what I had envisioned throughout the process. Now, my weight loss isn’t about image since I know a skinnier me probably wont look the way I want her to. I just want to be healthy and feel energetic!
July 7, 2012
Great approach Jennifer! I need to move to that mindset!
July 6, 2012
I used to think that once I hit my “goal weight” I’d look like a supermodel. As I never did reach my goal weight, I’ll never know 😉 But I can tell you this: I am a whole lot happier and content now that I’ve ever been.
July 7, 2012
That’s so wonderful Karen and I wish I could steal/borrow some of your (mentally and emotionally) healthy thinking!
July 6, 2012
Now that I work in a women’s clothing store, where many of the clothes are workout attire, so often fitted and ones that would make a woman body conscious, I have come to the conclusion that every woman finds fault with her body. No matter how fabulous the rest of us might think she looks, as we sigh with envy and only wish to look so good.
I know I will never be perfect. I’ve grown to accept that and some of my least favorite body parts. Doesn’t mean I like them! And you can be darn sure that I do my best to buy clothes that, IMO, cover up whatever can be covered up!
July 7, 2012
Karen, it must be enlightening watching others grapple with workout wear – as you say, it’s often quite fitted and leaves little to the imagination! I also like to think I dress sensibly for my weight (even as it is now!).
Deb
July 6, 2012
Perfection is a myth..an illusion…
It becomes a belief that we relate to happiness…
Yes..we should become the best version of ourselves but also realize that the better version isn’t JUST based on weight and size.
The best version of ourselves is based on the “whole” person.
me…I strive for wholeness today…not perfection…
July 7, 2012
Jules, I like the notion of wholeness, as most of my problems are of my thinking / mindset as much as my poor body which bears the brunt of my mind’s decisions!
Deb
July 7, 2012
as Voltaire says “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gretchen-rubin/dont-let-the-perfect-be-t_b_158673.html
July 7, 2012
Hi J, and I love that quote (and, I am definitely a maximizer!). I have a bad habit of ‘not trying’ if I think I cannot win, or not be perfect. I need to try to remind myself that any improvement on ‘now’ is good.
Deb
July 7, 2012
I do tend to be a perfectionist, or at least an all-or-nothingist: if I can’t do it “right”, I frequently don’t bother. I fall into the trap of “writing off” a day or a meal as soon as I’ve “screwed up”.
As for looking like a celeb, I’ve always told myself that if I managed to lose all the weight, and keep it off for a respectable period of time, then I’ll have ‘earned’ whatever cosmetic surgery is required to remove the dangly bits. I don’t know that I’d go through with that, though… seems a little drastic. I think the trick is to be happy with where you’re at. Of course, THAT’s at least part of my problem now – I’m maybe too happy with where I’m at to fix the problem. I know I don’t look like Jessica Biel, but I’m in total denial over what I ACTUALLY look like. Seeing photos of myself is always a shock.
July 7, 2012
I’m a bit the same Sasha – writing days off and I think I have no idea what I truly look like – a reverse body dysmorphia or something! I picked the picture of Jessica Biel cos I love how strong she is… not just ‘skinny’ cos I no longer yearn for that!
Deb
July 7, 2012
I’m with you 100 percent. There are about 200 celebrities whose bodies we covet and billions of other women we don’t take the time to look up to. Why do we think we have to look like that, and that life would be so much better if we did? I struggle with this question constantly, yet I can’t seem to give myself a break (as you know). Hopefully we’ll get to a happy place, together.
July 7, 2012
Fingers crossed Julia!!! x
July 7, 2012
Before I lost my weight, I was under the impression that after I lost 98lbs I would look “perfect”. This hasn’t happened. I am now around my goal weight and I still have extra stomach fat and skin and my arms are not as tight as I would like them to be and I don’t look anything like the celebrities in the fitness magazines. It got me down for a long while, but I keep reminding myself that I am healthy now, and that is what matters.
I can do ab crunches all day everyday, but the fact is I have gained and lost a lot of weight, I won’t have a perfectly toned stomach.
July 7, 2012
I often wonder about the issue of excess skin – something I MAY have if I ever get to my goal weight and wondered if it would take away the sheen of the lost-weight. I know some people have surgery to remove it (I’ve followed Jen, from Prior Fat Girl’s recent surgeries!) but you’re right about what’s important. You’ve lost 98lbs and that is AMAZING!!!!
July 7, 2012
Hi Deb,
I find not going for perfection incredibly liberating 🙂 And being a better version of myself quite encouraging 🙂
xx
July 7, 2012
Yep…. will be hard to shift my mindset, but think I need to, otherwise ‘not trying’ could be tempting!
July 7, 2012
Thank you so much for sharing. I don’t want to be perfect — it’s a HUGE failure; I just want to be better me & this is coming a mission which is possible. Yes, obesity price is so high. Good luck! I have researched much as I am not convinced that weight loss surgery is my option, and I am glad that I found something that saved me from the surgical knife cost and complications as well as irreversible damage. Roca Labs gastric bypass no surgery has helped me loss 43 lbs and still counting… I am glad that I am winning back a healthy weight and, this is — priceless! I am sharing this to let others know that there are better alternative to surgery and a healthy approach to weight problems. After the program, I believe I can get myself another gift — fitness! I will continue with the healthy habits, no more junks and mouth to stomach garbage and I can start to workout when joints are no longer in pains with this morbid obesity… There is still a better after us and we deserve it in any ages! Please don’t get me wrong, I considered surgery before but, I discovered an option. Whichever way, best of luck with your weight loss!
July 7, 2012
Hi Andrew and like you I considered surgery last year, but decided to have a last try at healthy eating and exercise etc… I lost weight that way and still have a long way to go but just need to change my mindset a bit I think.
Well done on your amazing loss! Congratulations!
Deb
July 8, 2012
I have strong perfectionist tendencies, but I’ve given up on the hunt for that perfect body years ago. I don’t remember when that happened exactly. It would be pretty useless too, because I couldn’t get rid of my stretch marks and saggy breasts.
I doubt even Hollywood actresses can live up to their photoshopped ideal bodies. 🙂 Also, I have an older sister who is very thin and muscular and can easily fit into small sizes. Is she happy with the way she looks? Of course not!
Seems I now have my own 30-day challenge. You must’ve influenced me somehow… 🙂
July 8, 2012
I saw that Satu… you’re giving up your beloved Pepsi! I’m still doing okay on my binge foods and Photo-a-day challenge, but my dry July has gone out of the window… 🙁
July 8, 2012
I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. I won’t even look like the version of myself from 20 years ago. It’s sad. I kind of feel bitter about it!
July 8, 2012
Yes Melodee, I’m the same. If only I knew then what I know now!
Deb
July 8, 2012
Nobody is perfect. I wanted to have weight loss surgery earlier this year but my doctor recommended me to take Roca Labs Formula first before I start considering getting surgery to lose weight. He said that the stuff works like gastric bypass but is made of natural fibers. I am glad that I had followed my doctor as I was spared the expense and of the risk and complications of the surgery. I would just like to say that there are better alternatives to lose weight than surgery and healthier means to achieve it.
July 9, 2012
I always used to compare myself to other girls and people in magazines. But then I realized that even celebrities have issues with their bodies. Those images we see in magazines is not reality. They are created by the hair, makeup, and lighting folks at the photoshoots. They even retouches every centimeter with Photoshop to take out any weird little clothing wrinkles, soften facial lines, and remove skin spots. So the next time I’m tempted to compare myself with those beautiful girls in magazine, I just remember that life doesn’t have to imitate art.
Best,
http://healthybeautifulblog.blogspot.com
July 9, 2012
Hi, thanks for visiting and I do know you’re right about the photo-shopping, it’s just hard when you’re looking down at your own bumps and lumps (and lines) and feeling dismay!
Deb
July 10, 2012
I am such a sucker for comparisons. I do not like that about me. But, when I was at my goal weight, I was really happy with how I looked AND how I felt. So I need to get back to that point again.
I am feeling quite morose about all this atm, I have had a thyroid breakdown and now Baro-Trauma, which means I haven’t been able to exercise for months. I am really wanting to shift this baby/hormonal weight but my body is just not making it easy! Grrrr….
Great post lovely. Thanks for linking in with Team Friday.
July 10, 2012
Sorry it was a late linkup. Things just seem to get away from me sometimes! Know the morose feeling you mention, when thinking that your goal weight is NEVER going to come. Hang in there!
Deb
July 10, 2012
Hi Deb! I just read a book that made me think of you, because you’d like this book. It is: This is How… by Augusten Burroughs. He has chapters on various subjects, but his overall theme is “Just be you.” One of his points with dating is that if you’re the person the guy is looking for, then you’ll be just right even with your imperfections. In fact, the imperfections will be attractive to the person who is looking for you. Just being yourself as you are now, with no improvement, will be enough if it is the right person. <<I think that is true.
I did not know that Aussies knew about President Theodore Roosevelt. I guess I really don't know what any part of the world knows or thinks about the U.S. 😀
🙂 Marion
July 11, 2012
I’ve heard of Augusten Burroughs, but cannot quite recall where. As for Teddy, of course we Aussies have heard of him… though I did google Eleanor cos I thought she was his wife – but obviously not!!!
July 16, 2012
Eleanor Roosevelt, which was her maiden name, married Franklin D. Roosevelt, who were second (?) cousins. I think Teddy was one (or both) of their uncles. Both Franklin and Teddy were presidents. I’ve seen the Roosevelt family tree so many times from reading Eleanor Roosevelt biographies. You’d think I’d know this!
July 16, 2012
Very true Marion… though I’m not particularly knowledgable about Australian history I must confess!
July 11, 2012
I had this realisation last year too and it was tough. Beyond tough actually! I suddenly realised that no amount of dieting or exercise would ever leave me looking like Cameron Diaz and I got a bit down about it. But you (and Mish) are right. You just gotta be the best version of yourself that you can be. And now that I’ve accepted that, I feel a sense of calm about how I look and what my goals are.
July 12, 2012
I have to say Cameron is probably a Hollywood starlet whose body I would definitely like!!!
Sigh.