It’s my birthday.  I woke feeling full and bloated from several days of Christmas food binges but also knew that I had a day of more eating in front of me with a lunch out (at my favourite local Chinese restaurant) and roast dinner at home with my parents who are currently visiting.  All day I felt uncomfortable.  Physically, emotionally and mentally.  The same stylist friend I wrote about in my last post, put something on Facebook about having a 40th birthday party to go to and getting frocked up… Meanwhile I was relieved after our lunch outing to be able to return to my baggy t-shirt and tracksuit pants for the rest of the day.

Most people are starting to plan their New Year resolutions.  I usually skip the resolutions and go for ‘goals’ for the year as I feel that is more sensible and achievable.  Of course, if I am truly honest I mean the same thing, but think my more-tangible but lofty ‘goals’ are less cliched than the alternative.  But frankly, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck….

So, here I am, my 43rd birthday almost behind me and although family and friends have been great, I have spent the day thinking of lost opportunities.  I just blogged about that very issue in my other (less navel-gazing) blog.  And I am tired of it.  Tired of hating my life and being stymied by regrets.

So I have (again) decided that it has to stop.  I cannot go on like this. I have been struck by this thought many times before and failed on the follow-through; but I have spent much of the day steeling myself for changes.  I have been telling myself that I am strong enough to make some serious changes in my life.  I do not want to spend another year living in a funk.  Blaming my weight for EVERYTHING that is wrong in my life.  I do not want to keep putting my life on hold UNTIL I lose weight… and (in so doing) become this perfect person.

Being the natural pessimist that I am, I suspect that I will posting here over coming weeks stressed that I am already not sticking to the diet and making excuses for myself.  And frankly, although I know a sustainable healthy eating plan and exercise regime is the way to go, I need some early wins.  So, I am going back to the no/low carbs thing.  My New Year’s resolutions (aka goals) will start slightly early – on 29 December.

Wrapped (as I am now) in the glow of post-cheesecake, post-red wine consumption, this all seems very achievable.  Already I am imagining the slim me that will emerge in no time at all.  Colleagues’ jaws will drop in amazement and men will be gobsmacked in wonderment.  I can see it now…