I treat my body badly. I have little respect for it and regularly confess to this.
I recently wrote about the fact that I ‘blame’ my body because it doesn’t look or act in the way I want it to. Although I no longer strive for perfection (when it comes to my body, anyway), I despair that I am so bloody far away from it!
However, in writing that post it occurred to me that I’m laying the blame in the wrong place. My body bears the brunt of the decisions made by my mad monkey mind and impacted by how I happen to be feeling that day.
I’m working with US blogger and self-acceptance guru, Karen CL Anderson at the moment. I mentioned our first session and the insights I gleaned. The ‘a-ha’ moments continue to come weekly, but for the last few weeks we’ve been talking a bit about my mind-body disconnect.
I’ve talked about why I ’emotionally eat’.
“Because I’m angry, sad etc…” I say. But then Karen asks me how my body is feeling. And I cannot tell her. Recently I had to share some ‘gifts’ or positive attributes of my body and I struggled.
However… I am reminded of a post I wrote back in February this year. A post which surprised the bejesus out of me.
It was the realisation that – if cryogenically frozen (and it is something I aspire to… long story!) I would want my ENTIRE body to come with me. Feel free to read the other post for context, but it shocked me that DESPITE I ‘diss’ this body of mine BIG TIME, I didn’t want another.
Sure I’d like my body to be less-lumpy, more muscular, (a lot) leaner, less freckled and so forth… but… it’s mine. We’ve spent 44 (LONG) years together, it and I. We know each other well. Perhaps like old friends or family we take each other for granted. Perhaps I don’t appreciate what I really have.
Perhaps I need to work on that.
Today’s post was part of a We Heart Life link up here in Oz to celebrate ‘I heart my body 2012’.
October 25, 2012
Thanks for linking up; I think at one point or another we all blame our bodies for something! xx
October 25, 2012
Very true… And it was my pleasure!
Deb
October 25, 2012
We all blame our bodies from time to time and the relationship is never an easy one. Focus on the good, there’s probably more good than you realise!
October 25, 2012
Hi Jodi and thanks for visiting. And yes… I should definitely try to focus more on the positives and many things my body does do for me!
Deb
October 25, 2012
Your honesty, as always, is refreshing. I love reading your journey, your thoughts and the way you are working through things xx
October 25, 2012
Thanks Lyndal, I figured I shouldn’t claim to love something I don’t… though I realise I do appreciate it and am trying harder!
October 25, 2012
I go even further than blaming my body – I blame my parents for the combination of their genes and how they turned out as me. How stupid is that, because if they chose not to combine their genes (and I’ve always believed that a turkey baster was involved with this project – oh, please God let a turkey baster have been involved!) I would not be here. I just think they did a better job of it with some of my siblings.
October 25, 2012
Oh no….! Bizarrely I’m okay with the genes. I think what I started out with was okay – I’m the one who messed up in not maintaining and caring for what I was given (and yes… I know I sound like I’m talking about a car!!!).
I bet those that know and love you are quite happy with the way your genes settled!
xxxx
October 25, 2012
I think if I was frozen I would want this body too, and not someone else’s. It’s kind of bizarre to think of it like that. You’ve got my brain working now…
October 25, 2012
Hi Jess…. and I just responded to Emma saying that it was like a bolt of lightning watching “Castle” and coming to the realisation that I didn’t want anyone else’s body… just my own. Despite, well… everything!
Deb
October 25, 2012
I reckon I’d want my body too if I was to be cryogenically frozen. It would just be too weird with someone else’s.
It’s a bumpy road at times this body love one, but well worth it. Thanks for sharing.
October 25, 2012
Thanks Emma and yes, sometimes things like that can be confronting. Who would have thought it would take a TV show like ‘Castle’ to give me pause for thought!!!
Deb
October 25, 2012
I can definitely relate to blaming my body. I’m trying really hard to take care of it, even though it hasn’t taken care of me very much!
October 25, 2012
Yes, it can be a challenge. I always find it interesting that I have the disconnect between my mind / emotions and body. As if they’re three separate entities!
Deb
October 25, 2012
I love this. I just commented on Laney’s post that I know what it is to be let down by my body and to have let it down and both of us have come out relatively unscathed. A shift is perspective is all it takes sometimes to learn old lessons that don’t seem to want to be learned. Like me and patience. Or me and consistency.
Thanks for sharing Deb.
October 25, 2012
You’re welcome Melissa and the same to you. And yes, I often feel let down by my body (blame it for my single-ness for sure!).
Deb
October 25, 2012
Interesting! I wouldn’t want any other body either – just this one to be a bit stronger – since I’m pretty comfortable in it for the most part.
I hope you have many more a-ha moments with your guru on your journey to self-acceptance 🙂
October 25, 2012
Thanks Jayne… I am sure there will be many a-ha moments. And thanks for visiting!
Deb
October 25, 2012
loveloveloving your posts lately.
October 25, 2012
Thanks Miz. I’m doing some work with Karen Anderson at the moment and after this morning’s Skype session I got a lovely email from her mentioning that she’s seeing some real changes – in my writing, but in our sessions as well.
(Need to read your ‘eating before bed’ post I just saw pop up though!!!)
Deb
xxx
October 25, 2012
Ooh, I’m an emotional eater as well and I hate it! I eat because I’m happy, or stressed, and it does me no good! I think you are right though, we all need to appreciate what we have. It’s not like we can trade it in x
October 26, 2012
Alas Kelly, no we can’t trade it in… an upgrade would be nice though! 😉
Deb
October 25, 2012
I blame my body for not looking like Miranda Kerrs……if by any chance you do end up cryogenically frozen I hope you get to hang out with Walt Disney ( I heard he was frozen too). I love your honesty and I loved reading about the journey that you are taking 🙂
October 26, 2012
Thanks for your lovely comment Rach!
I tell you I’m serious about the cryogenics thing, but my family refuses to believe me. I may have to change my will – but see a ‘shrink’ first so they can attest I’m in sound mind etc…
Oh and if I do get there I will say hello to Walt!
PS. As for a celeb’s body I’d prefer, I like Jessica Biel’s tone and strength. (Alas…)
Deb
October 26, 2012
That post was a hard one to write I reckon. As long as you’re moving in the right direction is what counts!
October 26, 2012
Thanks Liz.
October 28, 2012
Deb, great post as usual. I used to blame my body too. And like someone else said above, I blamed my parents for giving me the fat gene. And then I blamed my parents for giving me the insufficient self control schema (you have to understand Schema Therapy for this one) that rewired my brain to ignore the ‘off switch’. I also blamed my mum for being a caterer and a foodie and a fattist that but me down for my weight at the same as feeding me the best foods money can buy.
Over the last five years I’ve done a massive amount of therapy. More than most would do in a lifetime. One of the key things I’ve learnt is the concept of radical acceptance. ie to accept the things we cannot change, to even learn to love them and then perhaps they will then love us back because through loving and choosing them we are not treating those things with disrespect or hate.
Ah, I’m rambling. I’m glad you are getting lots out the self acceptance guru. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out. So friendly and engaging and welcoming. You have a great smile and lovely dimples! You are tall and you really do light up a room when you are there. I really did notice that in Melbourne.
V.
October 28, 2012
Oh Vanessa, your comment made me teary and thank you so much for your lovely words.
And yes… I do need to work more on my self-acceptance and I’m glad you’ve done so well on your own journey over recent years!
Deb
xx