“How’s life?”

Friday, April 27, 2012 Permalink

This morning I had to call into the Post Office to pick up a much-awaited parcel and the guy behind the counter said, “Hi, how’s life?”

I must confess it took me by surprise cos I was in a slightly grumpy mood having got there not long after it opened and been queuing for a while as people paid bills and generally dilly-dallied around. (Why can people not be more efficient when out and about!?!?!)

I’d actually started the day feeling quite chirpy and braved the local supermarket for some supplies, chatting away to someone else in that queue; but then the lack of parking near my local library (and lack of good reading fodder) contributed to the subsequent bad mood. Plus, it’s that time of the month, you know gals… so… blech.

I’ve been avoiding the supermarket for a couple of weeks and have already done a large online order due for delivery tomorrow, but this morning’s ‘shop’ was done out of desperation as I’d run out of a few essentials (milk, bread, eggs etc). It was also a bit of a test as I went to the supermarket which stocks my danger foods (rice cakes, corn chips, caramello koalas etc). Even scarier was the fact that I ‘d decided to buy ‘whatever I wanted’ to start on my not-dieting journey I discussed in my last post. I figured I needed stuff on-hand if I was to be able to ask myself (and my body) what I ‘felt’ like eating. My sense of deprivation will continue if I decide I want ‘x’ and I don’t have it on-hand. And, it defeats the point of focussing on eating what I feel like if I tell myself I can have it the next day when I get to the shops.

As it happened, I skipped the chocolates, because I’ve really not been craving or in the mood for them. Plus, they felt a bit more decadent. It’s one thing convincing myself that cheese flavoured rice cakes or corn chips are appropriate lunchtime fare, but chocolate… well, not so much.

Unfortunately I couldn’t get the packets and packets of rice cakes I planned to buy because there was only one on the wretched shelf. But I bought some corn chips. Plus the other stuff I needed.

Excitingly, since releasing myself from the dieting leash, I also bought a few things which I don’t eat when I’m trying to ‘diet’; including a heap of potatoes (for mashed potatoes given our recent drop in temperature), some mince to make spaghetti bolognese and some rice noodles to make pad thai. I mostly go carb-free at night during the week (having wine instead!!! Yes, it makes sense to me!) so spag bol and noodle-based dishes are mostly off-limits. Plus I’ve been seriously craving Thai food since having some on my recent Melbourne holiday, and as it’s sometimes difficult to find gluten-free choices, I figured I’d make my own.

Naturally on arrival home, I carried through on my plan to have SOME rice cakes or corn chips but only until I was full. I already knew I was hungry, so that wasn’t a problem (though I wasn’t overly hungry – it was just breakfast time) but I had to think about what I most wanted: corn chips; or rice cakes; or something completely different. I decided on the corn chips, but consciously did NOT eat them with a sour cream dip, which I usually would have done.

So… I ate some and then I stopped and put the lid on the container and put them away. I suspect I ate more than I needed to, probably about half of the 200g packet BUT I stopped and put them away. Unbe-friggin-lievable! I suspect I’ll eat the rest for lunch, but I am determined to continue down this road of intuitive eating and trying NOT to obsess about food, dieting and weightloss.

What that means for this blog I’m not sure, but I’m feeling hopeful (and still nervous!).

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ย And so finally, I get back to the point of this post and the Post Office guy’s greeting.

“How’s life?”

And you know what… the question made me smile. My bad mood evaporated and I had to be honest.

“It’s pretty good,” I said.

And it is. I’ve started my four-day working week and although my paycheck was a bit depressing I’m LOVING the extra writing (and me!) time. I’ve exercised well this week and am keen to finally get to a Sh’bam class tomorrow to try that out. I’ve actually had only one vanilla diet coke in 12 days (and found it incredibly sweet).ย And I feel like a bit of a weight has been lifted by lessening the dieting ‘rules and regulations’ which have dogged me for a very long time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m finally on the right track, and I’m not saying it’s all going to be fine. But… it’s okay. In fact, like I said to the guy at the Post Office; it’s pretty good.

Very excitingly after flagging my post with the ‘If not dieting’ website, I got an email back from Dr Kausman himself saying he liked the blog post. He also mentioned some stuff coming soon onย the website, so I’ve signed up to be a member.

 

17 Comments
  • Karen Collum
    April 27, 2012

    I’m really loving your blog and am finding myself challenging a lot of my eating behaviours too. Chocolate is by far my weakness and I’m finding myself feeling hungry even after eating a reasonable dinner and reaching for some. I’m still trying to work out whether it’s a straight-up sugar craving or something else, but you’ve definitely got me thinking. So thank you! And I’m really glad life is good for you. You deserve it. x

    • Debbish
      April 27, 2012

      Thanks Karen – I didn’t know you were a reader of this blog. I haven’t yet gone ‘public’ with it – undecided if I should or not… it’s hard to recall how much I’ve overshared over the last two years! I have to admit after saying I haven’t had chocolate cravings, I have had a bit of one this afternoon. (A time of month thing I think!)

      Deb

  • Karen@WaistingTime
    April 27, 2012

    Glad to hear it:)

    • Debbish
      April 28, 2012

      Thanks Karen!

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)
    April 28, 2012

    Isn’t it interesting how things shift slightly? Slight shifts make all the difference.

    • Debbish
      April 28, 2012

      Very true… I think it’s freeing but still a bit scary!

  • nondiscrypt
    April 28, 2012

    Your last 3 blogs have really played on my mind. I’m surprised how much thought I’ve given your ponderings over the past week or so. Apart from the fact that your writing is such an enjoyable read, I think it’s because much of what you say hits a nerve with me …. I have and, still am at times, facing the same struggles as you.

    So after days of almost obsessive contemplation about your journey, I found myself starting to get frustrated with my overthinking about you. Last night, fed up I said to myself “what do I care”? Then I realised that I actually do care and that’s why, perhaps against my better judgement, I feel the need to ask / say the following:

    I get the obsession about food thing and the desire to be “normal”. To no longer have to feel deprived or guilty. What I don’t quite understand at the moment is what your goals are – are they physical (ie weight loss / maintenance) or psychological (ie acceptance / guilt-free eating)? Do you accept weight gain is a very possible consequence of your current attempt at a “normal” life? If you do, fabulous! If you don’t, I fear that it may be the end result.

    I know you are over calorie counting at the moment – but sorry I can’t just not comment (the maths are always the bottom line with weight gain or loss). You decided to challenge yourself with corn chips, mentioning that you ate 1/2 the pack (I know how empowering it can be to make yourself stop and put something aside – i think I finally managed it on my 8th peanut butter slathered rice cake the other day) and that you’d probably eat the rest for lunch. That’s over 1,000 calories. Are you trying to get control over “sometimes” foods that, by my reading, have almost become “everyday” foods for you? Or are you at the “to hell with it phase” and just trying to enjoy your food without guilt? Does the guilt come later when you’ve put the weight, you’ve struggled so hard to shed, back on?

    I wish I had your writing skills because then this wouldn’t read like an attack on you. It isn’t meant to, because I truly do care! But, from where I sit, you make it so hard on yourself. While I may be nearly at the end of my weight loss journey, believe me when I say it doesn’t get easier. I still feel like the 97 kg person I was – because I am still the same person. I still have the same struggles as I did when I started but when I’ve found something that gets results I’ve tried to stick with it. You managed to shed a huge 15 kg on the 12wbt but then you threw it in (I’m not sure why). You were asked to count calories for your therapist, but now you’re over counting calories (I’m not sure why). You were asked to practice mindful eating away from distration (I’m not sure if you have been) <- isn't that similar to what you're trying now but with trigger foods?

    I wonder if it matters to me because I see my own behaviours in your actions… maybe my questions to you are actually questions to myself ……

    • Debbish
      April 28, 2012

      Wow… where to start. Firstly thank you for your lovely comments about my writing. I sometimes suffer from crises of confidence about my blogging, but essentially I do it because I love to write. And – at the moment anyway – losing weight is a big focus in my life, which I why I write THIS blog!

      I guess my goals are two fold… I do still want to lose weight, but like in the ‘If not dieting’ post I’m conscious that if that’s my only goal (ie. restricting calories and getting to an end point) I’ll still spend my life struggling to keep it off (and I think I’ve mentioned how many times I’ve lost and gained 20+kg!!!) so, while I’m still wanting to lose weight I guess I’m trying to find a way that’s sustainable and that doesn’t perpetuate my food/dieting obsession.

      My other goal would be that food would just be that thing that nourishes me, rather than the only thing that gives me enjoyment.

      I’m still doing the mindful eating as much as possible, although as I rarely do one thing at once it’s a challenge!

      At the moment I’m still planning on weighing myself to monitor that (although I’d like to be brave enough to give that up!), and my therapist weighs me at my appointments with her as well.

      And, don’t feel like you are attacking me because I appreciate that you’ve given this some thought AND I appreciate that you take the time to read my blogs and comment. I also sometimes ponder over comments and will probably give yours some more thought as well.

      I’m not sure how this will go, or if I’ll get nervous and start ‘dieting’ again… but undoubtedly (me being me!!!) I’ll be writing about it!

      Deb
      xx

  • Eating as a Path to Yoga
    April 28, 2012

    So exciting when we make those baby steps toward a new way of being! Really be in the moment and savor these caring choices!

    • Debbish
      April 28, 2012

      Thanks for visiting and thanks for your comments. It’s a long LONG road!

      Deb

  • Julia
    April 29, 2012

    Your very rational approach to what seems so NOT RATIONAL to me as a constant dieter is so refreshing. Thank you for being so honest about what you eat, too – that’s the point! Maybe as you move into a place of self-love and acceptance, without limitations, you’ll naturally veer away from the foods that have less nutritional value because you KNOW you can eat them whenever you want.

    • Debbish
      April 29, 2012

      Hi Julia and I’m hoping it works that way… undoubtedly I’m sure you’ll hear how it’s going (me being the oversharer I am!).

      Deb

  • Satu
    April 29, 2012

    Congrats on starting your intuitive eating journey, Debbie! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I remember how liberating it was to experiment with all my forbidden foods last summer. It was like I had discovered an entirely new dimension of eating – eating just for enjoyment! BTW, if you find yourself bingeing on your favorite foods, resist the temptation of drawing the conclusion that a more relaxed attitude to eating doesn’t work for you.

    I could add all the things in your previous post on my own list about what is normal eating..

    • Debbish
      April 29, 2012

      Thanks Satu – it’s certainly scary and I don’t want to ‘commit’ to anything too soon, but suspect you’re right – I need to give it a bit of time. After 30 years of ‘dieting’ or ‘bingeing’, something in between will be hard to find!

      Deb

  • Lou Lou
    April 29, 2012

    I can feel your positivity radiating from this post. It really feels like you have turned the corner. Of course after 30 years it’s going to be super hard but one step at a time and before you know it you will have climbed the mountain!!!

    • Debbish
      April 29, 2012

      I certainly hope so Lou Lou!

  • Robbie Azotea
    May 10, 2012

    I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already ๐Ÿ˜‰ Cheers!

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