If I was the sort of gal to partake in magazine questionnaires I’d be ticking boxes confessing to being an emotional eater. “Yes,” I’d say. “I eat when happy, sad, depressed etc etc.”
And I often write about my over-eating, binge eating and emotional eating habits. I talk about the fact that I’m prone to turn to food when I’m feeling low or stressed, or more often when I’m feeling angry and frustrated. But, in all honestly I never REALLY think of myself as someone who eats when they are happy.
Sure, like most people there are happy occasions that involve over-indulgence. My annual birthday cheesecake is usually a short-lived affair. I love dining out with friends which is always special. But, I would have actually said that I don’t really ‘binge-eat’ when happy. Or out of joy.
Although yesterday I almost did exactly that.
After talking about it for many MANY months (almost a year); I bought a new car on the weekend. I have been internet surfing carsales’ sites for some time and ‘monitoring the market’ (aka procrastinating and being apathetic about making a bloody decision), but finally on Saturday I took my not-so-little self off to see a car which had appeared online; took it for a drive; and bought it. Just like that. I may confess to procrastination and apathy, but once I’m ready: WHAM! (I once joked about the amount of money I spent in about 20 minutes shopping for an iMac, TiVo and accessories!)
I wrote about my excitement in my other blog (which also includes photos!)… but after a few hitches (aren’t there always?!) I picked up my new car yesterday afternoon, farewelling the car I’d had for 10 years with barely a second glance. And I jumped in and drove home excitedly, trying knobs and buttons and generally as excited as a 5 year old at Christmas. The drive home from the car yard wasn’t that long, so naturally I thought I should do a longer route (despite my usual hatred for driving); which is when I started pondering on where I should go.
Ha! The thought popped into my head. I could drive to the grocery store. You know… the one that stocks caramello koalas and corn chips. And it’s next to a bottle shop. My little mind raced off, planning the night of celebration. Junk food and wine. And lots of both.
Until I consciously stopped myself. “No corn chips. No chocolate,” I told the devious imp in my mind – possibly my inner critic Myra or her mischievous great-granddaughter Esmeralda. But for a moment I wavered. Yes. No. Yes. No.
I then realised I wasn’t THAT desperate for either. I reminded myself I had my car to excite me and offer some fulfilment to my dreary and bleak existence (Hee hee… that just sounded good. I don’t think I really think that. Really!).
So, instead I drove home – arriving much earlier than I usually do from work and planted myself in the bath with the car’s instruction manual so I can work out how to use the bluetooth thingy and make the most out of my new purchase.
Happy food. Literally!
While bathing I thought about Happy Feet Food and the fact that I ALMOST ate out of sheer joy or excitement: something I wouldn’t have thought I did. Usually when I do so it’s part of a ‘treat’ process – done when finishing work before holidays for example. But it’s something I don’t do often: Happy Feet Eat. Which doesn’t mean much really, but gives me a bit more insight into when and why I over eat at other times.
And you know what they say…. knowledge is power. Or something!
Do other emotional-eaters eat when happy or excited?
Or are you more like me and turn to food when things are going badly?
February 15, 2012
Excellent insights!
When I was in the throes of serious bingeing…back before I really understood what I was doing, it was most definitely done in moments of happiness/excitement. When I was seriously stressed, unhappy, guilty, etc. etc., it was hard for me to eat, but once I relaxed? Watch out… Witholding food was “punishment” and bingeing was a “reward.”
And what’s interesting to me is to look back on the cycle from the perspective I have now. For sure, it’s not what it used to be but it’s still there a tiny bit. Anxiety shuts down my appetite, “relaxation” starts it back up.
February 15, 2012
I wanted to add that bingeing also sometimes happens when I am bored and feeling antsy…when I need a distraction…
February 15, 2012
That’s interesting Karen, as I just assumed everyone ate when sad, depressed, worried etc. I guess it really does give us some insight into ‘why’ we do it. I have to say I kinda feel like I don’t ‘need’ it when I’m happy – which speaks to what I use food for I suspect!
Deb
February 15, 2012
There’s a distinction to be made…I wasn’t really happy, at my core, when I was bingeing and weighed 50+ pounds more than I do now. I wasn’t unhappy 24/7 but there was a cloud of self-doubt over my head much of the time…I wasn’t operating from an overall “happy” place. Does that make sense?
February 15, 2012
Absolutely! I can relate to the ‘not operating (or living) from your happy place’.
Deb
February 15, 2012
I think that about half of my eating is emotional eating. Mostly, it involves stress.
But, there is such a thing as positive stress. Even happy people, such as you getting your new car, can feel stress about it being a new thing to adjust to. There is invisible stress regarding having new monthly payments for it. Also, it’s so brand spanking new that you worry about any small thing happening to it.
I remember when my daughter barfed red stuff all over the back seat of our new car, when we had only had it for days. I was very upset and greatly relieved at the same time. It “baptized” the car with reality of dirt, dents, and dings, and I really didn’t worry about spots on the seats again.
🙂 Marion
February 15, 2012
Marion, I have to say… after getting home from the car-buying episode I was ridiculously tired and decided I needed to go to bed at 6pm at night. I got up an hour later, but it occurred to me that I was incredibly exhausted from some of the stress of a few things over those few days – despite the excitement of the car!
I grew up in an era where my parents kept a lot of stuff for ‘good’ and we’ve since talked about the fact that dinner sets or glassware they got for wedding presents went unused for 20+years and were kept for ‘good’ so I’m kinda determined to ‘use’ the stuff I have and not keep things for ‘later’ or ‘good’. I hope the car’s the same. My mum said something about being nervous to drive it and I like to think that I won’t be worried about that sort of thing… after all that’s what it’s there for!
In the end, it’s just a ‘thing’. (I guess!)
Deb
February 15, 2012
What a victory! Not only did you get a new car, but you figured out something about yourself, which is if you stop and think about why you want treats, maybe you’ll find that you don’t really want them at all. This is such an awesome post – and super progress for you. Woo hoo!
February 15, 2012
Thanks Julia. A previous comment was almost the complete opposite so it made me that we ARE different in our emotional-eating behaviour, which surely must give us some insight!
Deb
February 15, 2012
I am more about when I’m stressed or upset about something. But yesterday I was very stressed and it didn’t make me think about eating which I didn’t even realize until today! Congrats on the car.
February 15, 2012
Thanks Karen. The car is VERY exciting… though it’s only had two short trips so far!
I aspire to be less (overly) cognisant of my eating thinking /behaviour so I also can later realise I didn’t have to ‘think’ about it!
Deb