I’m baaack! Now you may not have even noticed I’ve been gone. I mean, I’ve talked (ad-nauseam) about how I’ve struggled a lot in these past few weeks but worse than that, I have to admit I feel as if I’ve been ‘missing’. It’s like I’ve been going through the motions; as if my body has been taken over by zombies and I’ve just been a spectator. Or something. Mostly I’ve blamed stress – general crap happening in my world – but it occurs to me that there’s always going to be some stress of some sort… and other people have it SO much worse than I do. So, that pity party has to end.

And today something changed. I don’t even really know what, how or why. But it probably doesn’t matter.

I had a big night out last night. One of my closest friends is getting married next weekend and so a few of us went out for drinks. As you can well imagine, much champagne was consumed – in my case in particular. Afterwards my best friend, visiting from New Zealand, decided she’d come back to my place and stay the night and once home we switched to Cabernet Sauvignon. Before we knew it, the bottle was empty, it was 4am and – although I’m sure we talked about important things – I have absolutely no recollection at all of what was discussed. But, like I said, I’m sure it was important. And insightful.

Despite a slightly sore head today, I have no regrets. I had a fabulous night. I met the bride-to-be about 20 years ago and the third of our trio had also flown in from overseas so there was much reminiscing. Plus I caught up with my bestie (who I see intermittently now she lives in NZ). We met about 25 years ago at University and another of our close friends (with whom I first flatted in the late 1980s) was also there. And there’s nothing like spending time with old friends….

Having slept in before breakfasting on bacon and eggs, I dropped my friend back to her hotel in the city this morning and, as I looped around a block or two to head home, something struck me. And I don’t mean a car. Or bus. Etcetera. I can’t describe exactly what I was, but I suddenly felt empowered – in control of my life. Of my universe.

It occurred to me that I was, and am, ready: to start afresh. To reinvigorate my weight-loss attempt. Although I haven’t gone crazy and binge-eaten everything in sight since the last round of this weight loss program finished, I haven’t been true to it. I haven’t tracked what I’ve eaten, I haven’t stressed as much about the six days/week workouts. And I haven’t been weighing myself. I have done what I said I didn’t want to do – I’ve eased my foot off the accelerator. Sure, I haven’t hit the brake, but if I keep releasing my foot I could inadvertently end up where I started. And I don’t want to go back there.

I can’t even pinpoint what it was that made me think, “That’s it. Enough’s enough.” But I did. Resolution set in. Lightbulb moment!

So… from tomorrow, I’m back to tracking what I’m eating – writing every skerrick of food down. I will plan my exercise in advance – rather than hope for the best. In fact, I’ve decided to start using My Fitness Pal (which I downloaded onto my iPhone ages ago, but have done nothing more than that). I’ve already entered tomorrow’s food in there, AND tomorrow’s exercise (lunchtime Zumba class).

And… I will cut out alcohol. Now! I do so much better when I’m not drinking at all. So, although it’s my friend’s wedding next weekend, I will indeed go alcohol-free. I’ve decided I will drive to the ceremony and then to the reception so I’m not tempted to indulge.

I CAN do this. I CAN be strong. GAME ON BITCHES!