It’s Sunday (as I write this) here in Oz and exactly three weeks until Christmas Day. Four weeks until the calendar kicks over to 2012  (which – according to… the Mayans or similar  – is also the year the world is supposed to end. I’ve decided, however, not to worry too much about that for the moment cos… well, look at the anticlimax that was Y2K!).

As usual the end of year has come around far too quickly. I’ve already drafted an annual ‘summing-up’ of 2011, so this post isn’t about reflecting on the year that’s passed; rather, as my 12 week weight-loss program draws to a close, I realise I SHOULD be revisiting the goals I set and assessing how I fared (which I did with great gusto last round).

You may recall, however, that after a less-than-stellar-start to the program, I decided to revise my end-of-program goals, and in early October I went for a ‘things-I’m-going-to-achieve-before-Christmas’ post. And now, as that time most-sacred-to-some looms I cannot help but wonder… WTF was I thinking? I mean… WILL I NEVER LEARN?!

Naturally I didn’t know that my father’s health would go downhill so suddenly – which, although devastating, offers no excuse for my apathy this round of the program… rather, it serves to remind me that I still need to work on my coping mechanisms… well, that is those involving something other than an overindulgence in alcohol and comfort foods!

Nevertheless, I am a man of my word (or not as the case may be…) so here I go:

• I will have lost 10kg (30kg in total on 12WBT) and be in DOUBLE DIGITS!
  Ummm… Well, it’s like this. I basically still weigh what I weighed when I set out these goals. I have yo-yoed about the 105-106kg mark for the last 10-11 weeks. I tell myself that AT LEAST I haven’t gained weight, but I can’t lie – I am mightily disappointed with my efforts. I know I’d be feeling very different about myself and life if I weighed at least 5kg less than I do now.
• Providing I continue with the C25k program, I will be able to run 5km.
  I quit the C25k program just after this previous post. Although, even in setting my goal I knew I wasn’t LOVING the program… however, you’d know from my recent post, that I’ve restarted and all is not lost… yet. HOWEVER, I’m stoked with the exercise I am doing. Five sessions at the work gym a week is so much more than I was doing six, or even three months ago. My faithful exercise bike was returned to its rightful place (well, back at the hire store) on the weekend, as I no longer need it. I’m a tad nervous about not having a plan B but like the fact that I’ve moved ‘on’ and am no longer dependent on it.
• I will have settled (back) into my place or a new place.
  My place didn’t sell. Depending on the outcome of work options for next year, I may still move and rent out my current apartment. It doesn’t have altogether happy memories for me anymore.
• I will have made arrangements for my post Feb 2012 employment.
  A job I hoped to get didn’t eventuate so I’m not sure what will happen post February (I do have a position I’m due to return to). I’ve been tossing around the idea of heading overseas again, although would need to do a bit of (re)training to get back into aid and development work. On the other hand, I actually like being settled and living here in Oz. I like having access to services and people I care about. On yet another hand (if anyone has a spare) I like the idea of ‘downsizing’ my career and perhaps working a shorter week and allocating some time to writing and blogging. (Although it feels bizarrely irresponsible, as a single mortgage-owner, to even write that!).
• I will feel less angst about / obsession with about this program.
  This has most certainly happened and – in fact – I’ve almost completely disengaged from the program. Whether that’s lead to my poor results or both are a symptom of other things I’ll never know. However… I’m undecided if I’ll do another round. Sure, I have 20+kg yet to lose and I LOVE the camaraderie of the program… but it’s missing something now for me. Unlike many of the participants I’ve never felt very connected to the program’s leader and never really followed the menu OR the exercise program. I find some of the members a tad rabid (though am sure any of you reading this post are far from that!!!!) and more interested in garnering the attention of the program’s namesake than anything else. Then – on yet another spare hand I can come across – the program gives me access to training networks and support I wouldn’t otherwise have. So… who the fuck knows?! Really.

I went to my local end-of-program 12WBT finale party on Saturday. Sure, there were moments I felt a bit of a failure; others have continued with their weight loss and are in a position that I’d love to be in – but am not…. And – I was a tad jealous. Again, I don’t begrudge them. They’ve worked hard to get there and haven’t taken any shortcuts.

I’m not sure that seeing others’ success has motivated me to get back on the horse, wagon, bike or similar but I have been pondering what I might still achieve before the end… which is neigh. (The end of the year that is, not The End… not believing in Mayan folklore and all that!) But – although I recognise the importance of goal-setting, I absolutely refuse to include ANY suggestion of what I MIGHT achieve by then if I set my mind to it. Nope. No sirree… I’ve learnt my lesson…. Cos otherwise I’ll be sitting in this very spot in four weeks confessing to goals I’ve not achieved – yet again.

But… having said that, 2011 is not in fact over until the fat lady sings. (Or sits alone watching DVDs while welcoming in the New Year – which will most likely be the case!)