If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, you’ll be aware I’m prone to a bit of navel-gazing. It seems, to me anyway (and quite frankly it IS all about me!), that this has actually been even more evident over recent months.

I’ve spent some time thinking about this… Suddenly I’m contemplating mindful or intuitive eating, I’m loving some new and different blogs (Zen Habits is just one example) and articles which I once would have naively written off as wanky twaddle. (Given that my undergraduate degree is in Psychology, I do get the irony of this!)

In my overly introspective way, I’ve been pondering on why this might be the case and what I’ve realised is that I’m starting to understand that I’m never going to find what I’m looking for OUT THERE. Sure, I suspect a man who loves me could make me happy. A million dollars (so I could retire and write all day) would make me happy. Eternal health for my family and friends would make me happy. But none of them will offer me contentment. They won’t allow me to like or respect myself more.

I recently discovered (yet another) new blogger. Well, new to me – not to blogging and the world at large. Christie Inge is a Intuitive Eating and Body Image coach and blogs at Body Alchemy. One of the first posts I read caught my attention given my recent state of mind (as per my last post)… steps for feeling better now!

HELLO?! Just what the doctor ordered?!?! Or not? Rest assured… it’s not like I think that reading an article will be akin to a magic wand. But, I figured I’d give it a try anyway.

Christie talks about the ‘ever elusive’ happiness that she thought would come from a certain weight, job or relationship… but having achieved those things she still wasn’t happy. (Frankly at this point in time I’d take the chance that I’d not be happy at my goal weight if I could bloody well get there!)

But I like Christie’s no-nonsense approach. “Stop that shit,” she says, and offers up her 10 steps.

1.      Identify the thoughts you are currently thinking about yourself. (She suggests we weigh ourselves or look at ourselves naked in the mirror to allow these to bubble to the surface.)
This is a no-brainer for me. I know what the scales say at the moment, but I’m doing this after seeing my reflection in a train window:

• You are fat.
• You are ugly.
• It’s no wonder no one loves you.
• You are pathetic.
• You are weak.
• You are a failure.
• You are an embarrassment.
• You are not worth anyone’s attention.
• You look old.
• You are a has-been.
• It’s too late for you.
• Time has passed you by.

2.      Identify how you feel when you think that way (how does it feel in your body?)
I feel sad. I feel tired. I feel defeated. And deflated. My body feels heavy.

3.      Recognise how to treat yourself when you think and feel this way. Does this work?
I don’t treat myself with respect and don’t value myself. I worry less about what I’ll wear or how I look. I retreat into myself and wallow – physically (at home) and mentally/emotionally.

It doesn’t work as I cope by eating more / unhealthy food /drink which perpetuates my self-image issues.

I did mention that there are 10 steps, didn’t I? Obviously the next ones move to a more positive place… but they do require a bit more contemplation from me, so I’ll continue with the post tomorrow.

I know my responses to question 1, are quite negative, but I suspect others can relate…. can’t you?