Just when I thought I was very mentally healthy when it came to my exercise regime (unlike my relationship with food!), I’ve found myself struggling a bit in the last couple of weeks.
I’m overanalysing decisions I’m making and there’s a sense of guilt lurking somewhere just beneath that conscious and active part of my mind.
There I was merrily gymming four or five times a week with minimal thought given to the need to burn calories. My gym routine had become a habit.
Sure, there was the occasional glitch: a sick day; or work meeting impacting on my attendance but it was never a ‘biggie’ cos I’d be back on the horse in the gym the next day.
Until two weeks ago.
I had a cyst cut out of my back. I’d had it for ages, but as it was right near my spine and had grown, it annoyed the crap out of me. So, after over six months of ‘meaning’ to do something about it. I did.
The said cyst was removed and resultant hole stitched up, and I was ushered from my doctor’s surgery with minimal fanfare.
But I’ve been shocked at the impact it’s had. I took a few days off exercise before returning to adapted gym classes. Because of the location of the stitches I couldn’t lean on things and lying on my back was painful. Any movement stretching my upper back hurt, as did taking deep breaths.
I soon discovered why as when the stitches were removed on the weekend, we discovered the wound was infected. Hence the excessive pain.
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/Schmiet/status/231523838100389888″]My infected wound was treated with antibiotics and I was sent on my merry way, with promises to keep the wound dry until (next) weekend.
That alone makes exercising hard because if I exercise ‘hard’ I’m likely to sweat. A lot.
So, after easing off over the last two weeks, I’ve skipped two Zumba classes and a Pump (weights) class since having the stitches removed. I did get myself to the gym yesterday for a bit of an interval session on some cardio equipment and I should go and do the same today. But….
I. Just. Don’t. Want. To.
I find it boring, which is why I’m a group class-kind-of-gal.
But… when I contemplate the notion of skipping gym (and exercise almost-completely) until next week I’m overwhelmed with guilt. I’m not sure if exercising too soon caused the previous infection. The doctor suggested I could have been allergic to the stitches. But of course I’m erring on the side of caution, telling myself I don’t want to exacerbate the wound until it heals properly.
Naturally however, on the other hand I’m wondering if I’m just being lazy. “If I was really committed to exercise,” I’m telling me, “I’d be on the exercise bike or treadmill, or something.”
Sane Deborah is telling obsessive Deborah that in one more week her back should be as good as new and reminds her that she herself has told others not to overdo it if they’re injured or ill.
But naturally… obsessive Deborah (driven mad by her inner critic, Myra) is catastrophising and telling herself she’s completely fallen off the exercise wagon. “The end is nigh,” says obsessive Deborah, nodding knowingly as if she’s been expecting this fall from grace.
Gah!
But I’m obviously ‘evolving’ in some way, because after pondering on this and stabs of guilt I’m telling obsessive Deborah and her buddy Myra to get the f*ck out of my head. These are just a couple of weeks out of my life. I have a bandage on my back and some accompanying and lingering pain. No more second-guessing myself. Sure, I didn’t go to the gym today (couldn’t bear the idea of the cardio equipment for two days in a row), but you know what….?! I’ll go tomorrow. And perhaps Friday I’ll see if I’m not-sore enough to do a circuit class or similar.
I’m not the person I used to be – who looked for any excuse to avoid doing what I knew I should do. I’m better than that. I’m stronger than that. Next week, I’ll be back. With bells on, and all that!
Have your workouts been derailed by injury or illness? Have you been able to get them back on track?
August 8, 2012
You’ve come too far & made too many changes to completely slip back. I hear you though- I haven’t trained for 10 days (I don’t count walking el poocho). Mainly because I haven’t been able to breathe. I’m back at the gym tomorrow & I’m finding the prospect a tad on the “I so don’t want to go” side- but I know I have to. You will too. When you’re healed. And not before.
August 8, 2012
Am sure you’ll be fine once you get yourself back to the gym Jo. And you’re right. I will be as well. And I guess I realised that as I was writing my post. I immediately jump to the ‘ALL IS LOST’ position – just because I’ve missed a few days and REALLY don’t want to go and get on the treadmill or bike day after day. I’m actually taking a couple of days off next week and already trying to work out how I’ll get into classes even if I’m not working. So… I do realise I’ve changed.
Deb
August 8, 2012
Oh yeah, I relate to this. I was out of the gym for almost 2 months with my broken thumb this year. And in 2009, it was abdominal surgery for a little more than 2 months. And then, when I did get back, my whole gut area hurt by just walking.
It is definitely okay to wait until you feel better. Don’t feel guilt from this because it is intelligent to wait until your body acts more symmetrical in form anyway. I would personally just wait your back cyst healing out for a little bit more. Your lack of enthusiasm has a real purpose, and it is not typical of you. You’ll be back at it before you know it!
🙂 Marion
August 8, 2012
Thanks for your encouragement Marion. I guess I’m realising that doing just ‘something’ (anything) is okay until I’m better.
And you’ve definitely bounced back from your injury!
Deb
August 8, 2012
YES YES YES
and you need this time as a gift to your body to heal, be sure to fight the infection and rest.
you will get back to it and STRONGER THAN EVER.
August 8, 2012
Yes Miz, I’d regret it if I exacerbated the wound and had to wait LONGER for it to get better. (Not just for the sake of exercise, but I just want it to stop hurting!!! Plus I miss my leisurely baths and not being able to get my back wet!)
I tend to forget everything is linked and my whole body needs to be healthy for my immune system to kick in and help mend the wound!
Deb
August 8, 2012
I think you need to take it easy until your stitches are out and infection is gone. I know what it feels like to panic that you’re missing training days and that you’ll suddenly feel your ‘motivation’ gone, but you have to give yourself a break (mentally & physically) so that you can heal properly and then get back into the gym and go hard!
You’ve been doing so well, so just accept your little break, keep your food healthy and you’ll be back shimming on the zumba dance floor in no time!!!
August 9, 2012
Mel… am hoping to get back to a Zumba class next Monday. Fingers crossed! (I went to two the week after I got my stitches and was surprised at the movements that hurt…. lifting my arms wasn’t problematic but chest movements (pops etc) were!)
Deb
August 9, 2012
You need to rest and look after yourself. The gym will always be there 🙂
August 9, 2012
That’s true Dannii. I just need to make sure I’m back into it next week!
August 9, 2012
All those noises arguing inside one’s head can be very annoying, yes? And they always have an opinion. 🙂
It used to be more difficult to get back on track if I fell off the exercise vagon, but it has become progressively easier with time. The only thing I can say is that if you let yourself rest now, you may be happily surprised when you get back to gym. 🙂
August 9, 2012
Thanks Satu. It wasn’t until I was writing the post that I realised my annoying voices didn’t really make sense and that I’d be back at gym when I could – because I enjoy the exercise I do there and I don’t need to think about it. It’s now habit – which is possibly why I’m struggling without it!!!
August 9, 2012
Hey Debs! Your back sounds nasty, glad you got onto that and it is healing nicely! So hard when you cannot actually see it hey. Remember there is no such thing as going backwards, life is full of ups and downs and hurdles, that dosen’t mean you are starting all over again, you are just contiuing on with your life – no stop and start. If you aren’t excited by exercise, then don’t feel obligated to do it. I would concentrate on getting your mind and body healthy with great nutrition and positive thinking, what do you love doing, plan some projects, get some healthy cooking going and focus on the fun things in life, not what you think you should be doing. Don’ t think of the things you CANNOT do with exercise, do the things you CAN (walking, stretching etc). Enjoy life and get off the I must lose weight and exercise band wagon, that isn’t fun! Get into a healthy lifestyle with food and positive people, activities, then you will notice things change! Go girl, you are going so well, keep moving forwards!!
August 9, 2012
I haven’t been as good with my nutrition Donna (at all, and not in the past couple of weeks).
I actually hit the gym today and just did some interval stuff. Writing the post last night made me realise I wasn’t in danger of going backwards – I surprised myself.
Thanks for your support!!!
Deb
xx
August 11, 2012
Right now the most important thing is that you recover from your op! So don’t worry if you aren’t getting in all the exercise that you want. You have the rest of your life for that!
August 11, 2012
True Neen. I get so impatient… at least I did some cardio this past week, so relieved about that.
Deb