Desperation and despair

Monday, April 18, 2011 Permalink

I follow the blog of someone who, only a year ago, was overweight and unhealthy. I came across her site (From F*cked to Fab) late last year; and thanks to a 12 week challenge program (run by Michelle Bridges from The Biggest Loser Oz), she had lost significant amounts of weight, increased her fitness and changed her outlook on life.

I have to admit I have been reading her achievements with an element of detachment because she comes across as incredibly motivated and it seems as if she is one of those people who thrives on exercise and is constantly improving on her fitness test results.  

I recently ‘unfollowed’ someone on Twitter because I was tired of reading how much exercise they’d done and (well frankly) didn’t give a fuck that they needed to eat more and stop losing weight. Her marathon-running ways and ever-increasing number-of-reps tweets simply highlighted my own couch-potato lifestyle and apathy. I couldn’t relate to that woman at all and didn’t want to hear about her (possibly exercise-obsessed) achievements.

But because From F*cked to Fab’s Ange lives in the same city I do and seems like someone I would like in the real world (AND she doesn’t boast matter-of-factly about her successes), I have tuned in regularly to see how she is doing. But it wasn’t until yesterday that I discovered that she hasn’t always been the upbeat powerhouse I had thought. She re-issued two of her first blog posts, which she had written two months into her first 12 week challenge and she talks about the level of despair and desperation she felt before starting. And, I could SO relate to those feelings.

I know that I should be able to relate to those on shows like The Biggest Loser – who lose massive amounts of weight – but given their controlled environment, it is difficult to translate to their situation to my own. Ange though, presumably has had to plough through work and personal commitments while still managing to step-up her exercise and follow an eating plan, all while adjusting her own headspace.  Far more inspirational.

It makes me wonder if I could (or should?) try something like that before I succumb to visiting the specialist re lapbanding. Organised weight loss programs (Weight Watchers etc) haven’t always worked well for me. Though, nothing really has in recent times. The 12 week challenge isn’t that expensive and so I guess if I don’t get anywhere I haven’t lost more than a couple of hundred dollars and a bit of time.

The next challenge doesn’t start until late May (which insanely I contemplate, gives me heaps of time to binge on my favourite food before then!!!). At the moment I’m not quite sure how I will flick that switch in my mind to find the motivation I need to control my eating and start exercising. But I do know that I need to do something….

15 Comments
  • Katy
    April 18, 2011

    I love that blog too! I’m planning to sign up for 12wbt this round too, pre-season starts really soon and is meant to be as important as the training season.

    we might be starting together!

    • rockafellaskank
      April 18, 2011

      Katy

      I read that it starts in late May, though I hadn’t realised there were some pre-season activities. (I wonder if they are similar to post-season activities – kinda like the footy season where the team goes to Bali or similar and runs amok! Hmmm… maybe not!)

      I am incredibly unfit and not as motivated as I should be so I am hoping this will focus me a little. I did sign up on the 12WBT site to be advised once the next challenge comes around… I look forward to keeping in touch via the Forums etc.

      Deb

  • bellaxthree
    April 20, 2011

    Hi Deb!
    I replied to your comment over on my blog but would like to reply here also.

    I don’t mind one bit that you referenced my blog and my experiences in your blog. And good God no – this time last year I was far from the “upbeat powerhouse” you took me to have always been!

    Your blog post made me cry. Heaps. To hear that just one person feels the way you do after reading my blog entries means it has been completely worthwhile to really put myself out there, to bare all (almost literally in those before & after pics!) and to take that risk.

    Thank you so much.

    Yes – you are 100% right. I have made these changes while maintaining a normal life. Well as normal as it gets for a 35 year old full-time PhD student with a mortgage who works crazy hours in extra jobs to supplement the limited PhD funding I get through my scholarship! Yes, as you suggest I have literally had to plough through work and personal commitment while maintain focus & working on my weight loss. I did take some time off study during my first 12 week challenge as I was so burnt out & couldn’t do justice to the research project but I had to continue to work in my teaching jobs & all other normal parts of life.

    With Mish’s 12WBT I have set and achieved many goals. One of the achievements I am proudest of is making these changes while keeping work and study happening, as well as the personal & family commitments and not allowing myself to become a workaholic burn out again. Family & friends come first in my world, I want to be healthy and strong to enjoy life with them and to be there for them.

    Please do try 12WBT before considering lap-banding. Throw yourself into it, commit 100% to Mish and her team and to people like me in the community. You can do this. I promise you if you listen to Mish and take one step at a time you can do this. Keep chatting, keep blogging – I really want to see you meet your goals hon. xx

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Thanks Ange. I hope you do realise how inspirational you are. In this virtual world it is strange that I can follow your (trials and tribulation) and learn something from them – and you. I have signed up via the website and gather I will get advice when the program is kicking off.

      Keep up the good work and you will get through those last 5kgs with no problems at all.

      Deb

  • fitbydons
    April 20, 2011

    Motivation isn’t something you rely on to achieve results… in the words of Michelle Bridges and now her thousands of successful advocates Just Freakin Do It – no more excuses! Sign up!

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Hmm… I thought the F was for something else….

      I like the mantra. I read a similar quote somewhere else about not thinking about exercising but just doing it. I must find it cos it was also inspirational.

      Deb

  • Erin
    April 20, 2011

    Please, please, please, please do it!
    I’m currently taking part of 12wbt round 1, my first round and I was a lot like you when I started (or atl east from what I know about you from this one blog post.)
    I was so close to giving up and resigning myself to being the fat girl. I even had a binge weekend before round 1 kick off because I felt like my fun life was ending.
    God, how wrong I was! This program is nothing short of amazing.. I’ve also tried weight watchers.. slimplicity… shakes… but nothing has changed how I feel about myself quite like this program. Michelles weekly videos and the ongoing support from the forums are amazing and are the real difference to other programs.

    Please join, I can guarantee that you won’t regret it. I look forward to following your journey..
    x x

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Erin – You sound like me – have tried everything and (as you know from my blog) am almost ready to give up and resort to surgery… though I have been v.reticent to make the appointment and do it. Perhaps in my heart I know I need to try something else first!
      Deb

  • Shaz
    April 20, 2011

    Hi, I paid for and started the 12wbt last year but never did the pre season bits and only lasted 2weeks. This year I did it (things like looking at your current food habits and pantry contents,setting some realistic goals, short and long term) and have found it great. There are good and bad times, people with huge amounts to lose and those I think don’t need to really be there at times. Like you I find it hard when all you hear is the ‘great achievements’ of just a few people. I’d suggest you give it a go – I ‘ve found my headspace is important in what I can and can’t do and this helps in a very realistic and down to earth way – didn’t cope with weight watchers, Jenny Craig, shakes … And also like there are lots of different levels for exercise, from absolute couch lovers (like I started off) to the lean and strong ab fab people. Ange is so normal, and has come a long way, she is amazing! There are lots of others struggling through with the support of people like Ange.

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Shaz

      The different levels of exercise sound great, as I was concerned that someone would be expecting me to run in Week 1. I did some personal training early last year and I felt the trainers were a bit unrealistic in terms of my fitness. I was the only larger person they trained and while I did okay with circuit-type stuff, I couldn’t run / sprint far and I had a session that involved 8 x 90 steps and couldn’t walk for days!

      Also, congrats for going back after the false start!

      Deb

  • Kelly
    April 20, 2011

    Hi! I can sooooo relate to you and everything you’ve said above. I joined 12WBT this round and met Ange at Boot Camp in New Farm Park. Ange has come a looooong way in less than 12 months, and she is truly an inspiration to many. I really hope you do give 12WBT a go before resorting to Lap Band surgery. The “thing” that makes 12WBT stand out from so many other weight loss programs, is that it’s really about transforming your life. It’s the whole package, nutrition, exercise and mind set are all included, so it’s teaching you healthy habits for life. The absolute best thing about 12WBT, and the reason I signed up, is the support from other participants. It’s invaluable, as we all have bad days/weeks and feel like giving up, but we have people to support us through these tough times. I struggle with depression, so the support of the others doing this program is what keeps me from going down the gurgler. We have a great group of 12WBT’ers here in Brissie, and you’d be welcomed with open arms. I hope I get to meet you soon. Please feel free to email me if you’d like any more info about the program. Hugs, Kelly 🙂

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Thanks Kelly. I like the idea of getting propped up by other participants! Obviously I also like the idea of the whole package – that’s what I need!

      Deb

    • rockafellaskank
      April 25, 2011

      Hi again Kelly

      I just included some queries on my latest blog post. I noticed you mentioned Boot Camp at New Farm, so wondered if they are a regular thing (ie. if there is training for 12WBTers to participate in, or if we do our own thing), also I had questions about weigh-ins etc. I am a bit nervous about going to a group boot camp as I am SO unfit and I am sure I will feel self-conscious if others aren’t.

      Deb

  • Amanda
    April 20, 2011

    I would highly recommend the 12wbt, I while not unhealthy like Ange was when she kicked off her journey. I’m in the morbidly obese category & I’ve probably just been a ticking time bomb. I decided to do the 12wbt after running across a couple of blogs, and decided to give it a go before I also set myself on the lapbanding path.
    So far I’m really enjoying the program & I know this is just my 1st round of probably 3-4 to get to a reasonably healthy weight range – I have at least 45kg to lose & I’ve just hit the 10kg lost after 9 weeks on the program.
    I’m becoming a convert to “moving more and eating less”, for me it’s definately been the combination of getting out there and moving not just eating right that has made the biggest difference. My mantra now as Mish says is “JFDI” – I don’t want to, I may complain but I will get my ass up of the couch and get moving :o) Looking forward to you joining us on the journey…it’s not always an easy one but it sure is a trip I’m now wanting to take to the end!

    • rockafellaskank
      April 20, 2011

      Thanks Amanda. We sound pretty much in the same position – I am about that far from my goal weight. You sound really motivated on the program so that is excellent (and motivating for me as well).

      Deb

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