I was very frustrated with myself last night as some late evening red wine took me up to (or just over!) my WW points limit. Every other time I have ‘seriously’ dieted I have started well. So, I cannot believe I have been less-than-committed this week. Though I have only gone over my points limit once (maybe twice) I just haven’t felt as strong as I have previously.

So it was with nervous anticipation that I set off for my first weigh-in today. It never changes does it? The fear of those numbers. Of success or failure. Elation or devastation. Of what the scales say about one’s own self-worth.

I do know better. But, at the moment, the numbers are what it is all about for me. I have tried dieting (or not-dieting) without weighing but as I can’t guage how I am going, I lose motivation quickly.

Anyway, today was the day. I sat waiting for my turn with the consultant, trying to decide whether I could possibly go to the toilet again. Perhaps it will come down to a few grams.

But then, relief, and a loss of 4.4kgs. A good loss but normal for week 1 when you are as heavy as I am. But, I don’t want to detract from my efforts… sure, I could have been ‘better’, but I guess I tried and only had a few mishaps. Perhaps I am too hard on myself and have been castigating myself over not-much-at-all.

My goal for the next week is to reduce the number of points consumed in alcohol. I hope once I start to not feel as if I am being constrained or restricted and I don’t need a treat (currently alcohol) I will cut back on that as well.

A long way to go, but a good start.