Day 34

Saturday, June 26, 2010 Permalink

Still feeling blah!  Weigh-in tomorrow and I am dreading it.  Am also grumpy that my weigh-ins are on a Sunday (until next week anyway, when I finally got a Saturday appointment!) as I feel like I have to be ridiculously good the day / night before.

And frankly all I want to do is have a late-Saturday afternoon drink, or have some wine with dinner tonight, but if I actually want to eat tonight I need to keep my points down (given the weigh-in thing tomorrow!).  Argh!!!  I am even considering having a ‘free’ weigh-in tomorrow as you get one (don’t-weigh-me) pass.  I am worried that if I haven’t lost (much) or have put on weight I will completely throw the towel in!

After a few alcohol-free days I had 2 glasses of red wine while out for dinner last night.  I also had gnocchi which has about 15 Weight Watchers points!  Shit shit shit!  I went to an Italian place my BFF discovered.  She is in town from o/s for only another week and our little 4-person posse gathered for a girlie dinner.  We used to see each other often (every couple of weeks) but now they have all partnered up (which is why my bestie move overseas) and I haven’t seen one of the others for about 5 months either!  So, dinners with them are rare, but also cherished.  Well, sort of.  For me there is a bit of grumpiness that I have been dumped for boyfriends / partners….

I was diagnosed as coeliac 4 or 5 years ago and haven’t been able to have ravioli, gnocchi etc since (hard to find Gluten Free), but this place did rice gnocchi (which is why my friend chose it… all of my friends are very conscious of needing to find gluten-friendly places).  So, my choice was the fish or veal or something… or the gnocchi (and HELLO, I was in an Italian restaurant!).  My points yesterday were quite low as I had only had soup for lunch, but the gnocchi (with bolognese sauce – either that or a cabonara one!) and the wine (yes, I know I could have skipped that) took me to my points limit.  Not good just two days before weigh-in; AND on a day on which I did no exercise.

So today I also brunched out with a friend (I so rarely go out, two outings in a row is bizarre).  But we did walk to and fro the hub-of-activity where the lovely cafe (on the river) is situated.  I hadn’t done a longish walk (this was probably only 20-30mins each way!!!) for a while so wasn’t sure how my shins would hold up, but it was fine.  Depressingly the only thing that hurt as on the home-leg (after brunching on bacon, poached eggs, tomato and toast) was my knees. 

How did I become someone whose bloody knees ache and hurt from excessive weight on them?  This time last year I was doing aerobics and I recall being excited when I burned 1000 calories off in one class plus a short walk home afterwards.  Suddenly I am some elephant-like creature lurching around on sensitive knees.  Shit (again)!

So, back to my original point.  Haven’t eaten since the (approximately 10 point breakfast) but hate that I cannot have a nice Saturday night dinner like a normal person.  I hate that my ‘treat’ after weigh-in is on a Sunday night and I can’t consume copious amounts (or even a fair bit) of wine because I have to work the next day.

More importantly, I hate that I always act like such a victim and cannot see the more positive things in my life.  The person I brunched with today is older than me and also single and childless.  But (unlike me) she seems happy with her ‘lot’ in life.  She doesn’t envy friends who have partners, or families, or more money, or cushier jobs, or aren’t fat. 

No, that’s just me……

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