I continue to be all over the place with my motivation and dieting behaviour.  I think the fact that I have SO MUCH weight to lose is finally getting to me.  The reason I liked the concept of Fat Camp last year was that it was akin to Biggest Loser, where you lose significant amounts quickly (15kg in my month there in my case).  Of course the fact that I lost 20kgs and gained 25+kgs all within a 6 month period seems to slip my mind! 

My 6.2kg loss over the past month should be something to be chirpy about.  But all I can think is that I am really only just back to my pre-Fat Camp weight (ish).  So to get back to where I was a year ago (post-Fat Camp) is going to take a mammoth effort based on my miserable losses so far. 

Even my previous attempts at Weight Watchers resulted in more weight lost in the early stages and yet I AM HEAVIER than I was then, so should be losing more quickly.  Argh! 

After Fat Camp I fitted into all of this designer garb I had bought on eBay, having underestimated my girth for some time…. but now, alas the same clothes just taunt me from where they hang in my cupboard.

So, motivation waning I am staggering along this week.  I had way too much booze on Tues night and so was naughty on Wednesday and scoffed corn chips and dip in front of television and felt sorry for myself.  Back on track on Thursday and Friday, but only two days left until weigh in. 

I don’t think I could survive another miserable effort on the scales.  A pitiful loss may result in me losing motivation altogether.  Why put myself through this angst for almost NADA? I could be scoffing all sorts of crap and my nights could be far more fulfilling.  Of course, I could just be continuing to gain more and more weight until I explode or…. Or what, I wonder?

Grrrrr…………..