Days at home are always danger days for me. When I am at work I am distracted and, well frankly I never eat a lot in front of others, so while at work my calorie consumption is controlled and minimal. But I am home sick – just a cold but enough to make me feel sorry for myself. Mind you, the issues raised in yesterday’s post aren’t helping. So, here I am, at home all day with nothing to do but desire ‘comfort’. And, it won’t come as a surprise that – for me – comfort involves wrapping myself in layers of calories.
But, I today I have tried to indulge in food that was sufficiently exciting without going too crazy (ie. binging on gazillions of caramello easter eggs or bags of GF corn chips and sour cream dip). Because I’d slept for most of the morning I decided on chinese for lunch. Chinese is my favourite fast food / takeaway. Well… actually fish and chips are probably my favourite, though they are a problem for me as a coeliac (use of flour to crumb fish and often used to coat chips – unless made from scratch, and even if they don’t use flour, everything is fried in oil used to cook other things coated in flour etc). So, chinese food it is. I have a favourite place and know their satay beef and garlic chicken are both GF. The owner once told me they use potato starch to thicken sauces, rather than flour or stock powder. And I don’t know what it is about satay beef chinese-style, but it is delicious. Not peanut-y like Thai satays. But… obviously not altogether healthy. However, given my fragile state of mind (and overindulgence in self-sympathy) I decided chinese food was an okay choice for lunch today.
Sadly of course I bought BOTH the chicken and beef and indulged in both at lunch – though didn’t eat them all. Late afternoon I was hovering at the fridge door and decided I might just as well eat the rest which was supposedly for dinner.
Now it’s early evening and – because I am a creature of habit – I’m wondering what’s for dinner. Even though I am full. And not hungry. So – I am going to try to be strong…. I am yet to work out the calories for the two chinese meals (the rice alone was over 500 calories), but I figure IF I can NOT eat anything else this evening (which may require going to bed at 7pm) I might still be within my calorie limit for the day. And all will not be lost. Maybe. Just maybe. And, I will have broken through some long-held strange “I must eat dinner even if I have consumed 4x 200g blocks of chocolate and all sorts of other crap” beliefs! I know I have a lot of weird beliefs and attitudes about food, eating, dieting and weight. I wonder if others are just as insane?