In my last post I talked about a book I received from my mother for Christmas and the fact that even the first chapter of the book hit home.
The Happiness Code, by Domonique Bertolucci offers up ten keys to happiness. I have actually read the second chapter and it was to be the focus of today’s post, but instead I thought I’d share some (personal) struggles and how I’m trying to actually ‘walk the talk’ for a change.
The first key was about the principle of choice and CHOOSING TO BE HAPPY.
And… amazingly I’ve been trying. I’ve avoided playing the victim and am reminding myself that I should be very thankful for my ‘lot’ in life. And as for the negatives… like Bertolucci says, they really could be much worse.
I was going to (and may still) write a ‘goals for 2013’ post in the New Year. It won’t surprise anyone that one of those goals will centre around losing weight and getting fitter. In the past I’ve always talked about my reasons, many of which have been external: others judging me, men finding me attractive, finding decent clothes. Etcetera.
But, I’m finally starting to want to make changes in my life for my own benefit (if that makes sense!). At the moment I feel unhealthy. Incredibly unhealthy. I talked late last year about feeling bloated and blah and that’s only gotten worse over the last month or so. I just feel uncomfortable. And – in all honesty – self-conscious. (So, it is A BIT about others!)
My old clothes (from just 3-4 months ago) were feeling tight so I’m only brave enough to wear loose stuff. I bought a couple of sets of new clothes for summer (although possibly overestimating my weight gain – left!).
(Note that ‘likers’ of my Schmiet Facebook page have already seen these photos as I had a ‘what jewellery should I wear’ moment when first donning the outfit!)
This (Xmas party) outfit has now ventured out several times. It starts the day / night feeling okay. Vaguely glamorous. But… several hours later the feeling has gone.
And… just yesterday (on my birthday) I wore it to lunch with some old school friends. By the end of lunch my purple jeans were so tight I could barely move.
I then went for drinks with another friend and her gorgeous 16mth old son. He’s a bright and energetic little thing and kept tapping my leg or grabbing my hand to follow him around the pub. Each time I had to get out of the chair I struggled. My pants cut off the circulation at my waist and my stomach felt gi-normous. And I was a sweaty mess. It was not a pretty sight.
The birthday I celebrated was my 45th.
Just two weeks before I’d had drinks with others in my new complex (they’re a very social bunch!) and one of the men commented that he’d assumed I was over 55. What. The. Fuck?! I was freaked. For days. (Until a friend talked me down off the ledge.)
But… I said I would ‘think’ happy, ‘act’ happy and ‘be’ happy. And, I still am. Just not as happy as I could be. If I made different choices.
So, here we are back at The Happiness Code’s first principle: choices.
And I’m thinking:
I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.
I DESERVE BETTER THAN SOME OF THE CHOICES I’VE BEEN MAKING.
I DESERVE HAPPINESS.
I DESERVE LOVE.
I DESERVE RESPECT.
Too much information? Too wanky? Too much talk of self-actualisation and other rah-rah stuff. Too bad!
And, do you know what? I may have ‘some’ worries and stresses. I may need to focus more (but less!) on my health and fitness, but as I sit back and look at the glorious view from my sea-change balcony, I realise I have it pretty good.
So… I choose happy.
Do you choose happy?
Or, did I make you throw up in your mouth a little? (And are you wondering where the ‘Life is fucked and everything sucks!’ Deborah has gone?)
December 29, 2012
Firstly, over 55? I think not! You’ve always looked younger than your age to me. 2012 has been a challenging year with the accident and all but things could have much worse. Like you, I am choosing to be happy in 2013. It’s the year to make things happen for the good!
December 30, 2012
Yes, let’s make 2013 a goodie. (Although I have to admit 2012 was better for me in some ways than 2011! Maybe they will continue to improve!)
December 29, 2012
I like this. The fairy dusty day dream Pisces part of me likes to look for the sunshine. Sort of fake it until you become it. Sometimes the smile slips & I concentrate harder on the shit than the sunshine (like last night), & so many people tell me how unrealistic & sick making it is, but I firmly believe it’s why I land on my feet more often than not. So it can be a tad pollyanna-ish & unfashionable, but I prefer it to the alternative.
December 30, 2012
Usually I let my frustrations about my weight overtake everything, but I am trying hard now to change that. I am more than that. But, I need my mind / body disconnect to improve as well, so want to try to make better decisions for my physical self!
December 29, 2012
You are gorgeous, even if you don’t see it (always) yourself. You’re a lovely person. Anything I can do to help, just let me know.
And I wondered if you were younger than me, so tell that neighbour where to shove it!
Practice Happy & we’ll both enter 2013 looking forward to an amazing & exciting new start.
Rx
December 30, 2012
Yes… 2013 here we come!
December 29, 2012
Life does suck some days, that is part of our lesson. Accepting that and still being able to choose happy, is evidence of a lesson learnt. Congratulations xo
December 30, 2012
Thanks Sandra. I’ve never been a fan of the ‘just be happy’ mantra, but the logical arguments in the book I’m reading make it obvious in black and white (literally and figuratively). EVERY decision has consequences: some good, some not. At some point I must weigh them up before I make my decision (even subconsciously!) so I’m inadvertently acknowledging the bad. I just have never before then ACCEPTED them. That’s what I need to work on!
Deb
December 30, 2012
Jeez Deb if you look 55 then I look 65 (I’m 43)!
December 30, 2012
I think I was feeling particularly vulnerable – tired, puffy, bloated and so the comment couldn’t have come at a worse time! After the guy saw the look on my face he said “Oh, did I say the wrong thing?” sarcastically. So I never worked out if he was joking, but I don’t think he was!
December 30, 2012
You do not look over 55. Geez. Younger than 45, I’d say. You know what I love about this … 12 months ago you would have only worn black. The colours in that tunic top really do give your a spark. x
December 30, 2012
Thanks Nikki and yes, I’m not one for colours normally. Black feels safe! Usually I only start wearing the uncomfortable WHEN I’ve lost weight (I’ll don a skirt, or bright colours etc). This time I’m kinda working backwards!
December 30, 2012
I just want to comment on the age thing. Men have absolutely no idea what age women are. They get it wrong all the time. There is no way that you look like 55.
And as for
I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.
I DESERVE BETTER THAN SOME OF THE CHOICES I’VE BEEN MAKING.
I DESERVE HAPPINESS.
I DESERVE LOVE.
I DESERVE RESPECT.
Yes you do! We all do.
December 30, 2012
As always, I find it easier to believe others do than myself! (I’d never treat someone else the way I treat myself!)
December 30, 2012
I’ve found that since letting go of my cynicism about happiness, I’ve been happier. I guess that says a lot about cynicism lol.
December 31, 2012
True. I have to admit I struggled after I wrote that post (as I mentioned in the subsequent post) cos it felt too ‘peppy’ to be me. More something I’d roll my eyes over, but I guess – like you say – I need to be less cynical about those kinds of things (happiness, contentment, mantras etc) to move on!
December 31, 2012
Happy birthday Deb! I’m turning 45 in January. I think I’ve always enjoyed you because you have the requisite background of understanding being an 80’s girl, the styles, the music, the meaning of it all etc… I can just mention Aha, and your brain just knows.
Okay Deb, I’m going to be brutally honest. Sorry sweetie–please don’t hate me for this, but I think it may have been your blouse that aged you. My 3 daughters will not let me wear oversized blouses–ever!!! I keep wanting to buy them, and they keep giving me fashion sermons about it. Still–I bought an oversized patterned blouse last year and wore it at last year’s Thanksgiving, despite my teen daughter’s urgent warning, and I looked ancient in it. I have a photo to remind me of my blunder. I still love that blouse (crazy me because that pretty fabric looks utterly terrible on me), but realize that it needs waist definition, like a belt, or something(!) to make it look better on me. I’ve seen you in pictures with other styles, and, in my opinion, more stream-lined made you look quite young.
So please don’t hate me for saying that. I think you are a good looking person. And I confess to many questionable outfits myself. 😀
🙂 Marion
December 31, 2012
Of course I don’t mind your comment Marion. I agree the shirt was too large. I ordered the larger size thinking I’d gained more weight than I obviously have (yay!). And I am conscious that big shirts / trousers are not complimentary. My problem is that IF I feel porky or fat and self-conscious then I don’t want to wear anything fitted as it feels tight and uncomfortable.
I’m living in loose t-shirts and baggy sweat pants / shorts at the moment but want that to change in the new year when I get my healthy-living mojo back! I’ve essentially had three months of not-working and settling-in time. That’s enough. Time to get back to it I guess!
PS. Was Rick Astley big in the US in the late 80s? I recorded a show recently that he hosted which included his own music and some of his favourites from that era. It’s NYE here tonight and I’m thinking of putting it on! (I had a thing for him… though I do like a man in a skivvy!)
January 3, 2013
I totally understand where you are coming from Deb – the clothes feeling, the feeling in your heart, being happy but also not being happy. The struggle continues, and hopefully ends in 2013. We can do it!
January 4, 2013
Yes Julia… It’s something I need to put into practice!
January 17, 2013
You are totally beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S I love your necklace too.
January 18, 2013
Oh, wow, thank you. I certainly didn’t feel it (and don’t!).
Deb