In two weeks time I will be a lady of leisure which actually sounds far more frivolous than the reality; or the phrase, “I’ll be unemployed.”
Cos I’m not really thinking I will be. Unemployed that is. Well, I will be, but it will be by choice. Mostly.
I’ve just unveiled my post-work plans in my other blog which I was nervous about doing. I hate setting myself up to fail. I hate ‘touting’ that I will ‘do’ something if it may not actually happen. But I caught up with some former work colleagues (from the Department from which I’m being made redundant, not my current workplace) this past week. We were an hour or so into chatting when someone asked me if I’d been looking for a job.
“God no!” I said, “I’m having a break.”
It was at that point I realised that while I’ve spent the past month or two obsessing mulling over plans, I haven’t actually shared them widely. And when I have divulged my diabolical plan, I’d added the disclaimer I included above about this all just being my ‘fantasy’ or ‘dream’. I also worry I’m being a bit self-indulgent or frivolous. I mean, who am I to think I don’t need to continue working a 9 to 5 job?! Do I think I deserve better, or am worthy of more?
Umm…. kinda, actually.
I mean, there has to be an upside to not having a family and being alone, responsible only for myself. In reality, I must also admit I’m quite happy to have a plan at all, as I’ve been slightly nervous that this whole thing has just been about me wanting a break from work – with little consideration of the longer term consequences.
As I said in the Debbish post, I realise that I have to set my plan in motion. Only I can do that.
One of the things I want to focus on (in my brave new world) is my health. I haven’t felt particularly healthy lately. I’ve been worried I’ve left it too late to become fit and healthy (and the person I want to be). Even worse, I’m worried that my unhealthy eating behaviour and slothful lifestyle is so ingrained that it will be almost impossible to change.
But I want to try.
I talk a lot in this blog about using food for comfort. It soothes me. It calms me. It satiates me. Leo Babauta in his Zen Habits blog writes (often) about seeking happiness in external things (food in my case). Happiness, he says, comes from uncovering what you already have.
I’m doing an online Sea Change course via Leo’s site and he talks about the temporary nature of externally-attained happiness. He uses chocolate as an example. (Cos I’m sure we can all relate to the temporary ecstasy fulfilment it offers.) We need to be happy by ourselves he suggests: self-happy.
Part of me is a tad nervous that the break I take away from the workforce will allow me far too much time to access food (not to mention mulling over life in general). At the moment work remains a safe-haven from binge-eating or over-eating. It’s being ‘home’ and alone that’s the problem.
On the flip side however, I’m hoping that by being more fulfilled in general – pursuing my passions and living more authentically – I’ll have less cause for binge eating.
I’m not sure it’ll work that way, but I’m excited to try and the notion of doing what I love is incredibly liberating.
Do you think being more satisfied with life in general can impact eating habits?