Back to basics

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 Permalink

My time away gave me the opportunity to reflect a bit on my life (as well as ponder on the possibility of peace in Syria, and whether Brad and Angelina really WILL expand their family). You know, the important stuff.

However, the only conclusion I came to was that I am tired and jaded. My dietician / psychologist is right. My life is WAY too much about food, dieting, weight loss etcetera. I’m either planning how I can get ‘back on track’ or feeling desperately guilty because I’ve been eating badly. My moods yo-yo from cheery hopefulness, “Tomorrow I will restart my diet!” to quiet desperation, “I don’t want to NEVER eat rice cakes / corn chips / chocolate again!”  It’s too much about what I SHOULD or SHOULDN’T be doing.

I’m due to see my therapist again this Saturday, although I’m not overly enthused at the idea. Whether that’s just my antipathy to having to confess to recent waywardness (failing in the no-chocolate and no-rice cakes / corn chips edict) or being weighed I’m not sure. Perhaps it’s my defences kicking in and rebelling against HAVING to ‘get better’ and work through some of my eating issues. W(ho)TF knows?!

I haven’t kept the dreaded food log since before Easter so I get a big fat ‘F’ for failure there as well. I suspect if I told the therapist that the food log has ‘done my head in’ she would tell me that I was warned that our sessions would be challenging and I need to just ‘suck it up’.

How will you ‘get better’ if you’re not willing to put in the hard yards? She might say. Well, I would if I was her!

I’ve sprouted about my exercise efforts while away, and indeed over the past six months – including those weeks where my eating has been somewhat out-of-control. And that’s a good thing. But… on my arrival home from Melbourne I logged onto Twitter and was reminded of this fact via someone known as @PryorityMaleLLC

It’s true. I know it (although sometimes the quoted split is as high as 80% diet; 20% exercise). In fact, I’ve written about it before here. The amount of exercise I do now compared to my pitiful 20 minute exercise bike rides during which time I lost 20kg is a testament to the fact that losing weight is almost all about one’s diet. (And by that I don’t necessarily mean a diet; but rather what one eats!) As I understand it, exercise is important – but more so once you want to maintain your weight, as well as for your health and fitness overall (obviously).

The fact that I worked-out 8 of the 11 days I was on holidays is great, and I want to continue my planned five days-a-week of exercise as far as possible. But now that’s mostly under control, I think it’s time to refocus.

I arrived back from Melbourne feeling a bit ‘blah’ and unhealthy. I’m not too worried about the meals I had ‘out’ while away (Indian, pizza, Thai, pub food, cooked breakfasts and the like are fine); more problematic for me was that I started having wee ‘treats’ for lunch everyday, culminating in rice cakes, corn chips AND easter eggs the day before we came home.

So I need to get back to basics: I need to remember that it’s more about the food than exercise (at this stage). I know I can get my eating under control. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. It’s not exactly rocket science: calories in vs calories expended (etcetera!). But I have a habit of over-thinking and over-complicating everything.

I’m not sure I’ll keep my food log and madly track what I’m eating, but for a start I’ll focus on the ‘no-treats’ concept and try to be ‘mindful’ of what I’m doing and eating, but not obsessive. But… I remain concerned that it will be a fine line for me.

Do others have this dilemma: balancing mindfulness with over-thinking or obsession?

21 Comments
  • Amy
    April 18, 2012

    Have you read this? http://www.amazon.com/Brain-over-Binge-Conventional-Recovered/dp/0984481702/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334714721&sr=1-1

    I’m reading at the moment and it’s making a whole lot of sense. I’m not far enough in to know if it will be life changing but certainly has been for the reviewers!

    • Debbish
      April 18, 2012

      Thanks for the heads-up Amy. I’ll have a look!

  • Lou Lou
    April 18, 2012

    I think you shouldn’t underestimate exercise or the accomplishments you did whilst away. Regular exercise is so important, even if it is just a little bit, but most important is that you are out there doing it. Everyone goes a bit rogue when they are on holidays so don’t worry about it too much, sounds like you are back home and getting back on track. Pat yourself on your back, don’t stab yourself! You are doing great!

    • Debbish
      April 18, 2012

      Thanks Lou Lou. I think my frame of mind is ‘now that I’m home’ I need to get focused, which is good. But you are right and I am really happy with my holiday exercise! (Wouldn’t have happened a year ago as I would have used ANY excuse to skip it!)

      Deb

  • Karen@WaistingTime
    April 18, 2012

    I have long felt that eating is too big a focus in my life. I’m sure I made it that way with my years of yo-yo dieting. And I suspect that blogging about it and reading what other bloggers write about it isn’t helping, to be honest. Sigh. Ah, to just go about life with no regard to food and eating:)

    • Debbish
      April 18, 2012

      My therapist asked if my blog was perpetuating a too-strong focus on eating and dieting etc. I think it kinda helps but guess I need to think a bit more about what I write about. Positive/looking forward posts are probably a good thing, but depressing ‘woe-is-me’ posts are probably the ones I need to work on!

      Deb

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)
    April 19, 2012

    Where you are right this minute is where I was back in 2009 when I started my blog, which became my book. And the fact is, I have been in this place many times since then (and since my book was published)…and I am currently in this place. As evidenced by my recent post on grace. It’s the ebb and flow. But we seem to be hardwired to resist the ebb part…or maybe it’s just our current culture of perfection! God forbid we take two steps back! I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement: “It’s too much about what I SHOULD or SHOULDN’T be doing.” Stop shoulding all over yourself.

    ::::off to practice what I preach::::

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      Thanks Karen… I’m waiting for your book to arrive – got a thing from the supplier to say it should be coming in the last week of the month. If I didn’t want to dog-ear pages I could have just gotten it online instantly!

      But, I’m seriously trying to drop the SHOULDs and SHOULDN’Ts. Am just too tired of it all!

  • Sasha
    April 19, 2012

    Maybe the 80-20 (or whatever) rule is true, but exercise can influence mood, which can make healthy eating easier. That’s how it works for me, anyhow. Hang in there!

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      Thanks Sasha. I do enjoy the exercise I’m doing at the moment and DON’T find it a chore. It also probably helps my weight not escalate out of control when I slip up!

  • Satu
    April 19, 2012

    I think being mindful about what and when and how you eat is a universal struggle today. I’m just learning to sit still when I eat! 🙂

    How many “modes” of eating do you have? Only dieting or bingeing (out of control eating)? Is there anything in between, like “normal eating”? Whatever that means….

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      Satu, sadly I don’t often experience the ‘normal’ eating. Though I think I was doing that just a little while ago when I wasn’t keeping a food log etc. I found I was mostly eating what I’d eaten when I was ‘dieting’ but just not stressing as much over weighing things and counting calories. I think the ‘normal eating’ thing is what I aspire to – being a all-or-nothing kind of gal!

  • Neen
    April 19, 2012

    Maybe you need a little break from your therapist? Sometimes it’s exhausting when you all you think and talk about is weight loss. It certainly doesn’t help with that whole thing about not putting your life on pause until it’s done.

    Also, saw your tweet about people coming to your site because they have searched for caramellos. Hilarious! I was actually craving CCs the other day and was wondering why, because they aren’t actually chips I really eat. Then realised it’s because I read about them often here 🙂

    And lastly, have you seen this clothing site? Seems to be a younger person’s version of ts14 http://www.virtushop.com.au/

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      I’ve been thinking the same thing re my therapist I must confess. Even though I don’t really mind writing about it, I do have a problem with talking about this stuff endlessly. Also, I find it hard that when I see her I have to cast my mind back to things that have already happened and talk about them. Essential I know… but in my last appointment I actually found it quite frustrating that we went over old ground. Perhaps I should cut her some slack and when I’ve been going for a while we won’t talk about the same things each time (she’d kinda forgotten stuff we’d talked about, so revisited the whole ‘having a child’ thing for a significant part of my last appointment (no. 3) which we’d discussed to death in appt no. 1!!!)

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      PS. I have seen the Virtu catalogues… I went into a TS14+ shop in Melbourne thinking they’d have wide boots, but I couldn’t even get my damned food into the stretchy boot bit! *Sigh*

  • Liz@LastChanceTraining
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Deb, I’d keep pressing on. The weight issues are bothering you enough that you wanted to see her. I really rate the “Brain over Binge” book as well – even if you’re not a classic binger. Even six years later, I found a lot of value in it.

    I’m loving the new found love of exercise and the mindful eating will come in time – just practice, practice, practice.

    xx

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      Thanks Liz. I’m happy with my exercise at the moment too: not just that I’m doing it without giving it much thought; but also that – when I’ve had to miss a day – I’m not overcome with guilt and questioning my motives as I once would have!

      I’m actually looking at the book and have been searching online locally for it (recently ordered a book from o/s and it’s taking AGES!)

      Deb

  • Rebecca
    April 19, 2012

    You know I get this. It’s tricky to balance mindfulness as it often leads to obsession but as long as you are aware and honest with yourself then you can do it x

    • Debbish
      April 19, 2012

      Thanks and I hope so Rebecca. I ‘feel’ like I’m honest with myself (not letting myself get away with things) but one never knows!

      Deb

  • Julia
    April 21, 2012

    I am definitely an all-or-nothing lady. I struggle between over indulging in food and over exerting at the gym. I consider it a relationship between my armor and my comforter parts: http://feedmedaily.blogspot.com/2012/03/sea-of-trouble-taking-up-arms-in-face.html . What someone once told me was, “Julia, get out of the gym and into your life!” I try and remember that when I’m obsessing about the image in the mirror or the concept that thinner=better. Life is obviously about so much more than whether or not our thighs touch! 🙂

    • Debbish
      April 21, 2012

      Hi Julia and thanks for your comment. I’ve just been reading some other blog posts talking about simplifying our lives and focusing on the basics. It’s surprisingly freeing to not ‘be on a diet’. I know I still need to lose weight, but I’m hoping that by not restricting myself so much I won’t be prone to binge!

      Deb

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