We all knew it would happen.  That this day would come… And here it is.  The day that I am supposed to restart Weight Watchers.  With a vengeance. 

On one hand I know I need to be mature and evolved about this.  Sensible. Honest about the course of action I must take.    I KNOW I have been wayward over these past 5 weeks.  My plans for sticking to Weight Watchers while on holidays went out of the window along with the tracking of points and any real consideration given to what I put into my mouth. 

On the other hand I want to whinge and moan and rail against authority.  Whose I don’t know, but that’s just what I want to do.  I am so accustomed to playing the victim I need to continue.  It doesn’t seem fair that I can’t eat what I want and how much I want.  Why oh why?  Poor old me.  Well… poor fat old me. 

I got on the scales yesterday and although I was full of 1.5 Chinese meals, I had gained another kilo or two (taking my post-weigh-in total to 5 or 6 kgs).  So much for my self-congratulations over the holiday strolls keeping my weight gain (very slightly) in check. 

In a moment of weakness (or perhaps strength) I made an appointment to return to my Weight Watchers one-on-one sessions.  Of course, rather than make it for this weekend, I made it for the next one, giving me 10 days from my arrival back at my own place to try to resurrect my weight watching career. 

The manic part of me has been thinking I could do the no-carb thing at night so the weight will drop off me and I may even lose more than I have put on over the holidays – so that I lose weight on my post-holiday weigh-in.  I will also arrive back at work looking svelte and terrific and everyone will be in awe.  Of course, then I wake up and realise that it isn’t a sustainable thing to do (even if it has worked – albeit temporarily – for me in the past).  I know short-term solutions aren’t great, but I tend to hope they motivate me sufficiently so that my longer-term commitment kicks in.

All of that aside, after a day of binging yesterday (Chinese, corn chips, chocolate, wine – see… who says I have an unhealthy relationship with food and dieting?), I am to be on track today.  Back on the Weight Watching wagon.  Or something. 

So far, mostly so good.  I bypassed breakfast (well, I actually slept in), so did my usual weekend brunch thing of low-fat bacon, eggs and toast, which unfortunately comes to about 8 – 9 points.  Well shit, okay 9 points!  I haven’t done any exercise, so that leaves me 15 points left today.  Hmmm…..  Less about 7 for wine…. Damn, damn, damn! 

Small Steps (so I don’t panic and give up)…. So the goal for today is to get to approximately my 24 points.  If booze takes me slightly over then so be it.  I no longer have any junk food in the house (well, I barely have any food in the house at this point).  But I will have a very lean and very small piece of fillet steak for dinner with some new potatoes and veges.  Then the wine.  And I must not think about my holiday evening chocolate snacks, or the entire 400g Toblerone Bar I ate yesterday…. No… I will be satisfied with my dinner.  And my wine.  Mostly my wine.  (Oh, and Richard Armitage on-screen as I continue watching Series 3 of the BBC TV show, Robin Hood.   Yummiest of all!)