Today I’m guest posting for the lovely Satu, at Body Capable, so please pop over and show (us) some love!
I’m always a bit nervous when I send someone else a guest post or sponsored post. There’s that moment, just before I hit ‘SEND’ that I worry about their reaction.
Will they shake their head with regret they’ve asked me to write something for them; or will they clap excitedly and think, “Oh that Deborah is a genius and should be knighted!” Or something!
I’ve been blogging for four years. A pre-cursor to Debbish (Write About Now) started back in January 2009 because, although I’d been doing writing courses for a number of years, I hated the idea of anyone reading what I’d written.
I wrote endless briefing notes for Government Ministers and drafted correspondence, talking points and media releases, but when it came to ‘creative’ writing I was scared shitless. Write About Now started with a whimper, as did Diet Schmiet when it kicked off in May 2010. I was excited to get one or two readers a week. ANYONE reading what I’d written felt amazing!
I now post four or five times a week in both blogs (combined). And I have written a few sponsored posts which have had to be approved prior to publishing.
So, you’d think I was now accustomed to writing for an audience. But, bizarrely the fear remains. At least in part.
When I arrived in my new hometown three months ago I sought out a local writers’ group. I was due to go to my second meeting this week and, as I’d had to leave the first meeting early, it was only this week when I received the reminder that I discovered we’d been given homework.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… homework? WTF?!
Actually getting homework doesn’t worry me. In fact, sometimes I need someone to ‘force’ me outside of my comfort zone. However… the notion of having to write something to read to the group was scary beyond belief.
I know that doesn’t make sense given the fact that I gave some of the members my blog cards and they may well already be reading everything I write here and judging me accordingly; but… for some reason having someone read my writing in the comfort of their own home is far less confronting than having to watch someone’s reaction or receive their feedback first hand.
I do realise people will not universally like my writing or what I’ve written. This I can understand. And I may well (ahem, it kills me to say it!) OCCASIONALLY make mistakes and these may (ahem) need to be pointed out to me!
So if I recognize this fact, why then am I so fearful of comments which may confirm that?
I can only think that criticism of my writing (or of anything I do), for me, is akin to failure. In keeping with my recent theme, I suspect this is a direct consequence of my perfectionist tendencies. But I’m trying to change that and the sane part of my mind realises that no one is – or can ever be – perfect. Including myself (sadly!).
Being the best I can be, should be all I strive for. People will either like my writing or they won’t. It’s that simple. Or is it?
Oh, and I should confess… I didn’t do my homework and didn’t share any of my writing at this week’s meeting. Perhaps next time.
How do you take feedback?
Do you avoid doing things to avoid criticism?
February 8, 2013
No one likes negative feedback. Even as far back as grade 1 I’ve done everything to avoid it. And to be honest, I think the reason that I did well at school was because I was scared of it. I had to laugh when you mentioned about feeling confronted in a group situation although many of them might read your blog posts, seeing as you’ve invited them to. I feel exactly the same. I think putting something on line from the privacy of your kitchen gives you a feeling of security. And when anyone I know comments to me that they’ve read what I’ve written I’m nearly always surprised.
February 8, 2013
Char, I rarely get comments from friends (outside of the blogging world)… maybe one or two here in the whole time I’ve been blogging. I guess I’m more conscious of the content of my blogs when it comes to people I know than strangers. My friends are less likely to judge me for poor grammar or spelling than bizarre behaviour. (I hope!!!)
🙂
February 8, 2013
Hi Deb, I went to a writer’s group for several years. They were mainly published book writers with a couple of agents in the group. It was determined that my appeals they examined fit their rules of a major work of writing being formally “published.” Then after review, I and my writing were voted upon (without me being there) and I made it in.
The reason why you are anxious about their opinions is because people who comment on blogs are 100 times nicer. Blog friends forgive crappy writing because of friendships. Writers in a writer’s group, on the other hand, will tell you their exact opinion of the truth. Much of it is not very nice, but they are trying to help in their own way. Often, I felt like they had picked the “meat off my bones,” so as to say. But then, they would try to build me up a little after they tore me apart. In short, they were trying to train me to have some resilience and to stick up for my writing.
Well, hopefully you will have less a-holes than I experienced in my writer’s group (believe me, they’d be complimented by that description). But to tell you the truth, I’d do it all again. It was sort of tragic at times when I sat in a daze listening to my writing getting dissected like a lab cat, but it was also good for me. I needed to get tougher in so many ways. I think they sensed that.
🙂 Marion
February 8, 2013
Oh Marion, what a stressful experience, but you’re right – if I’m going to write professionally (in some way) I need to get tougher and more resilient when it comes to criticism.
People in my writers’ group have sent stuff off in competitions to get feedback and perhaps I need to write something for that same purpose. The feedback they received was from several judges and really helpful. (Also I like the idea of just sending something off into the ether!)
Guess that – if my writing is really crappy, then it’s good to hear that sooner rather than later!
Deb
February 8, 2013
Well, personally Deb, I do think you are a “writer.” And I hope you will be brave to listen to all the B.S. at your writer’s group–and face it. And reject *most* of it, but find a little bit to ring true to help you. If your group has not published major works like books, then they should *not* be as blatantly rude to you as the published authors were to me. Like I said, they were toughening me. They want me to write a good book, you know? A writer’s group is there to make you grow, not make you feel good. And I think I’ve always encouraged you to get serious about writing, haven’t I??? I’m not a blogging friend who has ever coddled you, so I’d only say that if I meant it.
🙂 Marion
February 9, 2013
Thanks Marion, I like that you are honest – though not rude or blunt and thank you so much for your lovely words about my writing.
I guess sharing it COULD (?!) also result in some positive feedback which would be lovely.
February 8, 2013
I doubt your writing is that crappy, Deb! 🙂
I think most writers (I include bloggers too) are pretty sensitive about their writing and can get very upset about criticism for a while. I often find myself thinking that it would be better if I wrote more like you or Marion, but then I guess people who are drawn to my blog are drawn to it because they like something about the way I write.
In a way I’m lucky because I come from Academic background and it means I’ve co-authored and submitted my share of papers to publications. So I’m kind used to getting all kinds of feedback (and believe me, journal reviewers can be very blunt) about my writing and corrcting my texts and improving my thinking etc etc.
I hope get something written to your writing group!
February 9, 2013
Satu, I really enjoy your blogs because you bring that academic background and you often refer to scientific matter (which usually make my eyes glaze over!). I know you can read something, distill it and share it in a way that we (laymen) can understand it!!!
Deb
February 8, 2013
I do not take criticism at all well. I get all defensive and try to justify my position rather than take it on board. Eventually I listen after I’ve got over the initial sense of rejection.
I’ll go check out your other post!
V.
February 9, 2013
I think some of it depends on the person impacting the criticism. If it’s complemented by some praise or positives it’s so much easier to deal with… but not everyone can deliver it that way!
February 9, 2013
I don’t like criticism and negative feedback! I’d love to lie and say I love it for self development. But I dont!!!
I don’t really tell friends in real life about my blog probably for fear of judgment.
February 10, 2013
Jess, I’ve only recently come ‘out’ with my diet blog in the last year and still rarely promote it on my personal facebook page.
I probably worry more about what people who know me think of the content than the writing though!