Avatar envy

Tuesday, November 22, 2011 Permalink

Like so many other social media semi-addicts, I find myself increasingly drawn to Twitter, and away from Facebook.

Live TwitterI don’t know what it is, but perhaps the mundaneness of my life is better suited to 140 character tweets than ‘status’ updates which (at least in my little mind) attach more gravity to one’s happenings. As a result I suspect the banality of my life is better served by tweets about my exciting and eventful existence (I exercised; I’m having a bath; I’m tired – and so forth) than insightful thoughts on world peace and stuff.

Because I can’t access social media on my work computer, I tend to go through Twitter binges, where I spend the entire 30 minute commute to or from work reading back over the highlights of the day to try to get some context to Twitter conversations I’ve entered midstream. And because time is limited I scan through the avatars (or pictures) to see who’s saying what. But lately I’ve noticed that many of the familiar faces or pictures are disappearing and being replaced by others.

I wonder if there has always been this rapid and regular movement in my Twitter family’s avatars, or whether it’s just something I’ve noticed of late…. in the same way that – when you want a certain type of new car, you see that car everywhere, or if you are / can’t get pregnant, you see pregnant people everywhere. Sort of.

And… expanding on yesterday’s first world ailment post (re my jealousy of those who willingly pose for photographs when out socialising; for which I’ve not yet received treatment), I’ve found myself suffering yet another 21st century illness: avatar envy!

 

My real photo (though it is a couple of years old) adorns my personal Facebook page where I am ‘friends’ with those from my childhood and adulthood, relatives and recent workplaces (as opposed to current workplace because – although it may surprise you – I try to keep some boundaries in my life). This blog and its accompanying Twitter & FB accounts feature a childhood photograph of me. I say it’s because I overshare so much here and I don’t want those from other areas of my life being privy to my inner-most thoughts (not to mention knowing how much I weigh!).

But even my public blog features a childhood picture of me. And I wonder, is it because I’m still a tad nervous about people who know me reading my writing….? Perhaps.  But I suspect that it’s mostly because there’s some level if shame in ‘owning’ up to who I am and what I look like now.

I’m starting to think I’d like to include a nice photo myself on that blog (although I’m not certain about this one!), so people know that I do – in fact – exist. But… as per yesterday’s post, I’m still loath to be photographed, or captured for posterity while I look as I do.

So… following on from yesterday’s post: what I want (what I really really want), is to be camera-ready, pose for some happy snaps and proudly own up to who I am (now) and actually have a real photo next to my Twitter tweets and Facebook updates. And, I’d like to change it every so often after someone’s captured a great new photo of me – out and about, having fun and posing for pictures. As you do… if you’re not me, that is!

Watch this space!

8 Comments
  • Liz@LastChanceTraining
    November 23, 2011

    I love your photo Deb – especially your hair! I think you’re gorgeous and need to show that side of you more often.

    • rockafellaskank
      November 23, 2011

      THanks Liz. Was a bit nervous about showing my ‘true’ identity… but worry more about people going FROM my personal stuff to the Schmiet stuff, then vice versa (if that makes sense). People who know me from here already know the worst… but those from the ‘other’ part of my life don’t know how f*cked my thinking etc really is!!!!

      Deb

  • sydneygen
    November 23, 2011

    It’s actually really funny you say this! On my Twitter I do have a recent pic, just taken last week in fact, but it’s with a few friends, so you have to pick me out! haha

    Thing is, I was doing the challenge video and trying to find past and recent pics of me to show my change…guess what? I have a complete aversion to being photographed from the shoulders down!!!! How funny is that?! I think it’s because those areas, below the shoulders, are my problem areas and the ones I’ve been ashamed of for a very long time!

    I often wonder if people I pass in the street are going to say, “Hey you look familiar, how do I know you” and *gulp* it’ll be from either blogging or the weight loss vids or even worse, my random filled tweets!!!!!

    Good Luck on your quest to get that ‘avatar approved’ photo 😀

    • rockafellaskank
      November 23, 2011

      I’m the same (on being photographed from neck down) and usually hide behind others where possible! I also put very different things on my two twitter accounts, two blog accounts and two facebook accounts (I’m like a split personality) as I have ‘tried’ to keep my lives separate.

      I have to say though I like the idea of a blog that is a combination of both existing ones, but not sure how to transition them across! I think I might commit to – by the end of January – having a ‘real’ photo of me… somewhere.

      Deb

  • lizzyaimee
    November 23, 2011

    I like to consider myself an enthusiast when it comes to cameras, and I love to have a record of everything. I put it down to losing my mum at 11 and having very little in the way of photographs and video to remember her by. She constantly battled her weight and wasn’t always a fan of the camera either. I’m so sad when I think that you have such a huge aversion to being photographed and I hope you can get past it – because no matter what your weight you are beautiful! I hope the day when your “split” personality gets sewn together isn’t too far away – looking forward to seeing the “real” you! xx

    • rockafellaskank
      November 23, 2011

      How lovely that you like to document your life. When I lived o/s I was a bit better at recording what I was doing… but I must confess to not owning a camera for the last 10+yrs. I wonder what that says about me. I don’t think it’s just my aversion to photos – while big.

      I have to confess… I didn’t have the same problem with cameras when I was slim (or felt okay about myself). I just would love to (again) experience that feeling where you don’t ‘obsess’ about how fat you will look in photos!

      Deb

  • Karen
    November 23, 2011

    How fun! And I love seeing the real you:) Do it!

    • rockafellaskank
      November 23, 2011

      Kinda freeing and scary at the same time!

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