The first two weeks of this round of my 12-week weight loss program (12WBT) coincided with my first holiday for the year. As a result, I’m hoping that the waywardness I’ve experienced over the past two weeks (for varying reasons – aka excuses) will be over now that I’m back into some semblance of a routine. It will be difficult as my father is here in hospital, my mother is staying with me and she and I are cat-sitting at my brother’s for the next week, BUT…. difficulties aside, it means the fun and frivolity of holidays are over and I am no longer able to justify the ‘treats’ which have made their way into my menu over the last week or two.

I have actually improved my eating and exercise habits over the last few days, since my Action and reaction post – in which I wondered if I’d overreacted to a less-than-stellar weigh-in and used that as an excuse to go off the rails. I must admit, although I have this desire to get back on the program and refocus my attention, I’m still a bit nervous about making the ‘big calls’: I will not have any more alcohol for 10 weeks; I will not have any more binges over the 10 weeks etc. Because, despite my amazing commitment last round of the program (even in my eyes), I still seem to be missing some of that mojo now.

But, I can’t keep harping on about it, as I have been doing over the past week or so, I just need to settle in and do it. I need to engage ‘robot-mode’ as our program’s fearless leader, Michelle Bridges, would say. Well, that and JUST FUCKING DO IT!

Yesterday I took some time to re-read my posts from the first two weeks of the last round of this program as I decided I needed to remind myself of the trials and tribulations I faced – and overcame. And I hoped that I would regain some of the enthusiasm that engulfed me (perhaps too much) back then. And… I’m hoping it worked. I hadn’t remembered, for example, I lost 5.2kg in the first ten days of the program last time. And… I read up to week 3 and as yet I hadn’t gone over the 1200 calorie limit and had done my 6 days a week of exercise. The tenor of my posts is one of hope and positivity. Unlike my recent posts.

So, here I am. Week three of the program is beginning. I have 10 weeks left. Or a lifetime – it depends on how you see it. Now I’m back at work I’m hoping I can schedule in the gym classes I’d started before my holidays. I need to plan well, as I’ll be visiting my father in hospital each night, so, as far as possible this week I’ll exercise at lunchtime, or straight after work before heading to the hospital to see my father and accompany my mother home. Because mum and I will arrive home after 7pm each night and because we won’t be at my place (and I don’t follow the program’s menu faithfully), I have planned our meals for the week. So… in many ways, I am all set to ‘re-engage’.

Another 12WBTer, Ruth, and I were comparing notes last week – about our apathy and the fact that we were both really struggling on the program. We commented that we could almost write-off the first two weeks and that for us this had become a 10 week body transformation (10WBT) program. So as week three dawns, I am hoping I can slowly revive and strengthen my willpower muscle and regain some of the motivation I had during my first round when I happily abstained from alcohol most of the time, and when I wouldn’t have dreamed of letting chocolate or chips pass my lips.

It’s a new day. A new week. I need to learn from my recent failings and remember that there’s still time for a new and improved version of me.