I’ve come to a realisation. It’s one about writing and blogging. About guilt and regret. Or, very specifically in my case, the guilt I’m experiencing over my lack of writing.
And… bigger picture, the direction I see my life taking.
Well, mid March already. Or perhaps later. I can’t recall what the date is, so… the month might actually almost be over.
The year’s been a bit of a weird one for me. Although in all honesty the time since finishing up my last job (in September) and travelling to Italy (in September – October) has been kinda challenging.
Last Thursday I mentioned a post I’d started writing after being inspired by Mark Manson. I’m not a MM devotee, though don’t get him confused with Charles or Marilyn (unlike a friend of mine). While I don’t agree with what everything he says, I very much like his way with words and find myself listening to his posts (as he offers audio and reading options) again and again… hoping stuff will sink in via some sort of subliminal mind control.
There are two I’ve been listening to of late and – as I mentioned last week, they’ve become linked in my mind – so the post I was originally writing became confused and unwieldy. This week I’d initially planned to – in wanky corporate speak – ‘unpack’ the two themes… but they continue to be inexplicably entwined for me so I’ll include links to Manson’s two articles and focus more on what I ‘took away’ from both posts (more corporate-speak, #sorrynotsorry).
I’m trying to get some creative writing mojo back so shared an excerpt from my (very rough first draft) young adult novel the other day. It’s about a teenage anorexic and it was a version of this opening scene that inspired me to finally attempt fiction – a decade or so ago. I also mentioned though, that 30,000 words in I shelved it and haven’t gotten back to it, but ponder on it every now and then as I wonder which (if any) of the 3-4 half-written projects I could / should progress.
Many many moons ago I enrolled in a year-long novel-writing course. I’d never attempted a novel before as I’d never had any plot ideas. An opening scene came to me however… sadly based on my own experiences as a teenager grappling with anorexia nervosa (20yrs earlier), and once it leapt into my head it remained firmly planted; so I decided to make an attempt at removing it word by word.
The course itself was quite enjoyable though everyone (the tutor included) lost their mojo a few months before the year ended. So, my very rough 30,000 words (with about 2/3 of the story written) remained as they were.
Over a decade ago I exercised briefly with a personal trainer. It was pretty short-lived for a range of reasons but what I did like was that we sat down for a conversation before my first session which led to an a-ha moment (that) years of therapy hadn’t produced.
I was doing my usual spiel about wanting to lose weight (yadda yadda yadda) but after I finished talking the trainer commented (it seemed to her) that though I said I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t really believe it could / would happen.
That conversation resonated as I’d struggled (in my old Diet Schmiet blog) to articulate a difference between motivation and commitment.