In my last post I said that I believed in myself. And that’s true. I think.
It intrigues me that I can say this (and mean it) and yet still struggle to seriously believe that I ‘deserve’ good things and that they will (indeed) be coming my way.
I suspect (and hope) the next couple of chapters in The Happiness Code, might help me understand this a bit better.
And (on that note) the fifth key to happiness in Domonique Bertolucci’s book is that of ‘backing ourselves’. It is the principle of ‘belief’.
Our life paradigm, she says, is one of the most significant contributors to the level of happiness we experience:
“Your life paradigm is the set of beliefs or operating system for your life. Make sure you choose one that supports lifelong happiness.”
Bertolucci describes our life paradigm as… how we see things working out (or not) in our lives.
Regardless of what we want to achieve in life, Bertolucci says that the first person who needs to believe in our goals or aspirations is us!
“Having a healthy level of self-belief is an essential contributor to lifelong happiness. It helps you see your goals, dreams and ideas as having the potential to be a reality in your life.”
I know I have issues with self-talk and I’ve mentioned before that I do try to stop the little voice in my head which is hyper-critical and talks to (and about) me in a way I would never speak to anyone else.
But I’m actually okay at picking myself up on that now. I know that a negative will almost certainly come out of my mouth or mind as instinct. I then have to stop and question the truth of whatever it is I’ve thought or said about myself.
“Is that really true?” I have to wonder, “Am I really pathetic or weak?” And… quite often (dare I say it, in case it sounds vain or arrogant?!) the answer is no! I may not be the most motivated person on the face of the earth, but nor am I the most pathetic!
“The happiest, most successful people believe in themselves unconditionally. They know they can do, be and have all that they want in life.”
Bertolucci recommends against depending on others to fuel our self-belief; something to which I (and many others, I’m sure) succumb. When I receive praise or a compliment, my heart swells and my spirits soar; but when none are forthcoming (no comments on posts; minimal hits on my blogs; no positive feedback at work) I wallow. I catastrophise. “I’m a crap writer. No one wants to read what I write. I’m kidding myself. Who the f*ck do I think I am that people want to read anything I write. My boss thinks I’m stupid. Everyone at work hates me.” And so forth. Until I next receive a compliment. And then… all is well again in the world. Self-belief , Bertolucci says, can sustain us through difficult times and help us bounce back from criticism.
She also references how to cope when those we love (or care about) do not support our dreams or goals, and I could think back to my own father or family and better understand why this is the case.
So somehow, even though I have a level of confidence in myself and my abilities and I don’t think the world is conspiring against me AND I’m trying to be more zen-like and accept the stuff I can’t influence… I still seem to struggle to believe that good things can and will happen (for me).
After some pondering I’m beginning to better understand the difficulty I have. And I think this quote offers up my stumbling point:
“Believe in yourself; believe in your dreams and believe in your right to achieve your dreams.”
Like I said, I do believe in myself. I believe I can cope with crap thrown my way. I believe I have skills and abilities to do stuff. I may not be destined for greatness, though few of us are.
But… (and herein lies my problem) I do not believe I have the right to achieve these dreams. I’m back to my old nemesis: my self-worth.
How’s your self-belief?
Do you believe you have what it takes to fulfill your dreams?