It’s rare that one can undertake a google search for something… only to find that it doesn’t exist. But today I did just that. Here I am trying to be all honest and knowledgable and stuff but I’m stymied by the dastardly World Wide Web.
In searching the internet however, I discovered that there are some very fucked-up people out there. I mean, did you know there are words for: a fear of lockjaw or tetanus (Tetanophobia) or a fear of chopsticks (Consecotaleophobia). I mean, a fear of tyrants (Tyrannophobia) seems quite sensible; however a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth (Arachibutyrophobia) is just downright loopy.
Given this amazing site, www.phobialist.com* listed every phobia imaginable and a gazillion more, I was shocked that what I was searching for wasn’t there. I mean, I know I’m strange but surely I’m not THAT weird. However, after much research… what I wanted wasn’t to be found.
I’ve decided you see, that my ‘condition’ MUST be a phobia. After all, it’s not normal. I’m sure. And by finding others with a similar ailment will surely offer me some sort of reassurance or validation. But it wasn’t to be. And it all started with this:
Yes Sir-ee, I’m talking about my fear or dread of going grocery shopping. Weeks go by when I cannot literally force myself to go into a grocery store. Back when I was eating a whole heap of crap I had added motivation as there were caramello koalas or corn chips waiting for me at the end of that grocery-shopping rainbow. But now, nothing but an empty fridge (or toilet roll holders) can force me to drive the 5 minutes down the road where I have a choice of our country’s TWO big supermarkets.
I’d like to think that my antipathy has something to do with the fact that I’m eating healthily and worry I’d be tempted by ill-placed chocolates; or chip aisles calling my name.
But seriously, most days this week I have ‘intended’ to take myself off to the grocery store after work in the evening. And each night – I put it off. Once upon a time I shopped regularly. But not recently (so thank god I am single and childless!). Most successful have been my forays into online grocery shopping, but the difficulty I face is that the company I use doesn’t have everything I need. I need to visit both big supermarkets to buy EVERYTHING on my list. (Yes, yes, I know… if this was Twitter there’d be a #firstworldproblem hashtag there! And… I should know better, after my years of living in developing countries. But…)
While googling for information I read of others admitting they don’t like grocery shopping – something to do with strangers speaking to them, or spending money and the like. That is NOT my problem. I’m happy to talk to anyone. And I LOVE spending money.
It’s really only the ‘idea’ of grocery shopping that I hate. The notion of HAVING to go.
And last night I finally forced myself to go. I mean, I HAD to as I was out of girlie products AND needed toilet paper. The essentials. (Oh, and eggs, meat and lots of other things!)
Although I didn’t get everything on my list (I refuse to do anything other than a basket-shop and WILL NOT use a trolley as am way too impatient for that) I was quite chuffed that I made the effort. And, in reality, including the drive to and fro – and quick foray into the bottle shop – the whole adventure took me 20 minutes. And let’s face it, 20 minutes out of my day is NOTHING!
I had hoped that – having not gone for a couple of weeks – it might break the ice (like when they make shark phobics jump into shark-infested waters!), but alas no. My ‘to-do’ list included a visit to the other supermarket this morning and I wasn’t able to force myself into my fabulous little beast for the 5 minute drive. But, maybe this afternoon….
Please tell me that it isn’t just me; that others are stymied by the necessity to grocery-shop. I mean, I know that there doesn’t seem to be a bloody word for it, but it CAN’T be just me. Surely. Please! Anyone?
*Cos it’s so entertaining to poke fun at others’ phobias… here’s a few more:
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Oenophobia- Fear of wines.
Myxophobia- Fear of slime. (Blennophobia)
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman.
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words.